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Sheri Stritof

Improve Your Health by Forgiving Your Spouse

By May 17, 2010

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A friend of ours, Deacon Mike McGillicuddy, says on Engaged Encounter Weekends, "Not forgiving someone is like letting that person live rent free in your head." We agree with Deacon Mike's statement. When one spouse refuses to forgive the other or feels unable to forgive, not only is the marriage in trouble, but the unforgiving spouse will be unhealthy both emotionally and physically.

According to a 2004 article by Jordana Lewis and Jerry Adler of Newsweek, research on being unforgiving shows that holding a grudge can lead to "increased blood pressure and hormonal changes -- linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory."

Expert Quotes About Being Unforgiving:
Dr. Dean Ornish: "In a way, the most selfish thing you can do for yourself is to forgive other people ... When I talk about forgiveness, I mean legging go, not excusing the other person or reconciling with them or conding the behavior. Just letting go of your own suffering."

Everett Worthington: "It happens down the line, but every time you feel unforgiveness, you are more likely to develop a health problem."

Dr. Edward M. Hallowell: "It's a process, not a moment ... If you devote your life to seeking revenge, first dig two graves."
Source for quotes: Jordana Lewis and Jerry Adler.

June 1, 2007 at 11:14 am
(1) Ed says:

I agree 100%. Forgiveness is more for the forgiver then for the forgivee. We need to forgive so that we we can move on with our own personal growth and development.

Every grudge one holds is like adding bricks to a wagon that we pull behind us. It makes going up and down the hills of life much harder than it needs to be. Thanks for posting this article!

August 2, 2007 at 1:18 pm
(2) Wayne says:

20 years together 18 married. Because of never forgiving my wife has an empty soul towards me. I attempted everything from leaving messages and helpful books around (ones I read myself). I tried talking we gave a small effort to a therapist which after two visits told her and I that the only thing she could do is help us sperate what kind of help is that. My wife is empty inside and is bitter cold hurt full of resentment towards me and she does not identify with any of those feelings which she portraies on a constant basis to me. She has told me She cant even look at me the thought of touching her makes her sick…She has completely closed herself off. This is either she has a new man(which I suspect). The other is she does not but just has so much built up inside against me that she only wants to hurt me the only way she knows how (verbal). For my marriage it is too late and it is all over. I am sad and very hurt. I dont hate her, nor do I resent her. I still do love my wife and I will until 23 July 2008 when she and the lawyer file for the divorce. I will remain true until that day. I only have loved her if she could only see the mistakes we both made get beyond the past and step forward into the future with our family and with some help we could find our passion and intimacy again. The love never goes unless you choose to let it go. I so asked her to seek help to read but her friends are the only help she has sought (the last place you should look for such serious help). I hope this helps anyone that is having problems to know you need to GET HELP before its too late…once you are no longer having sex on a regular basis or having too many verbal arguments about small things..or even if you are like my wife and I are (or were) living together like best friends getting along great…just no more sex….both too stubborn to get over our egos to reach out or talk about it…instead we just pulled back even more from each other…without intimacy you have nothing or you will loose everything…seek help now but talk about what you are feeling is missing and see if your partner isnt feeling the same and get help together….dont end up like me. Alone, a broken man. I identified myself with my wife and family, now I am nothing. -lost

March 4, 2008 at 10:26 am
(3) shanks72 says:

Kathleen, I forgive you and those you used against ME. Please forgive yourself.

October 18, 2008 at 1:18 am
(4) spinn says:

He cheated on me with a girl that worked in our convenience store. In the back room. She must have felt so pretty and so special. She even knew he was married with a brand new baby. We were married for 20 years, have been divorced for 4 and have just reconciled and remarried, and guess who called his number? How do I get this out of my head????????

October 23, 2008 at 10:45 am
(5) thandi says:

marriage is made of great forgivers.

November 6, 2008 at 10:58 am
(6) sami says:

I am in the same situation. Not only did he cheat on me, he had the ordasity to lie about it, not only once but thrice to my face. He also made me look like a complete idiot and made me feel guilty for accusing him in the first place. One day out of the blue i asked him if he would ever lie to protect me, and for the life of him, he could not answer. i answered for him. I then took the stand of shoving the cheating evidence in his face and wrote him a long letter of all the times i looked the other way cos i love him so much. how i put him first before me and how his happiness meant so much to me. I carried him on a pedastal and so he did me but he always had a way of talking my head over. well no more. i left my rings alone with the letter and asked him to leave the keys or else i’ll be foced to call the locksmith. I wrote how much he hurt me and what a dissapointment he was. I gave my all to this relationship, just to be walked over and treated like this. I did not deserve this. what did i do wrong to get treated like this. why is this happening to me? After sitting a while and rereading the letter, I couldnt just throw it all away. i was focusing on the good times we were togather. How amazing it was and i wrote to tell him that this is not what i want. i did not want him to leave. I want to work this out with him cos that is how much i love him. Even now when writing this, i’m crying, i will allways cry when theis comes up. life does not only consist of good times, there are bad times too but its up to you to work thru it. If i can, i’m sure anyone can if they willing to put their mind to it.

November 9, 2008 at 9:57 am
(7) Jopskee says:

to forgive is easy but to forget is really a hard thing to do. i have forgiven my husband for what he has done, however, no matter how i tried to avoid thinking what he has made against me, the more i feel angry…

November 9, 2008 at 9:59 am
(8) Jopskee says:

to forgive is much easier than forgetting what my husband has made against me especially that it is about his ex…

November 13, 2008 at 12:23 pm
(9) abby says:

FOrgiveness is so hard!! My ex-husband was physically, verbaly and emotionally abusive – I finally left because it was too hard on our 3 children seeing this everyday. Now he and his parents are talking about me all over town. My ex admitted to the pastor his actions toward me but now he is saying I made it all up. Now there is a live-in girlfriend – she refuse to acknowledge me even whil holding my 2yr. This tears me up. HOw do I let go and forgive all of them?

January 4, 2009 at 8:20 pm
(10) Dee says:

I wanted to pass along a comment made to me a long time ago. Let me preface it with this…even though I pass it along, I have a hard time doing it myself, nevertheless, it has sometimes been helpful. Forgiving is not the act of forgetting. It is to stop blaming the other person for how you feel today. I hope this helps.

February 17, 2009 at 7:15 am
(11) Lucy says:

I know the importance of forgivness. I had a difficult childhood with an emotionally and verbally abusive mother whom I have, through the help of much therapy, forgiven. But now it seems I married a man just like her. I find myself forgiving him for the same offenses over and over again, almost weekly. Where do you draw the line? When is it time to forgive AND walk away? We’ve only been married less than a year and I’m miserable, he blind sides me and I cry so often.

February 18, 2009 at 6:48 am
(12) alison says:

My husband of 30 years had a golfing holiday with his golf buddies, when he got back as soon as I seen him i realised something was different. One of his chums approached me at work and told me he had a holiday fling & was still texting and calling her. When I comfronted him he cannot give me any reason why only to say that the opportunity was there so he took it. I feel so betrayed by him & his chums who have known us for years they have watched our children grow up and most of them were at our daughters wedding.But when it came to it not one of them could have said to him that it was a golfing trip not a marraige break up trip. I feel so lost and lonely it is as if the fella I always thought of as a soul mate was quite happy to destroy 30 years of marraige for some two bit tart on holiday.

February 27, 2009 at 1:40 pm
(13) Iris says:

People say its good to forgive but its not easy. I dont think I can ever forgive my husband for what he has done to me, but I really wish I could because its taking over my life and making me angry bitter person. How can you forgive someone who you gave your entire heart to and thought he would never hurt you. I hope and pray that counseling can help because I dont know whats left.

February 27, 2009 at 6:43 pm
(14) Sheri says:

Hi Iris,
The fact that you are in counseling is a good sign that you will be able to move beyond the hurt, anger, and bitterness that you feel. I don’t know the timeframe of when you first felt the betrayal from your husband, but for me, it took several years before I could honestly look back at that time in our lives and say the pain was gone.

Be good to yourself.

March 8, 2009 at 10:19 am
(15) jenell says:

I have been married going on 4 years but I have been with this person for 9 years in total. I have worked my but off during our entire relationship and i am always the person giving more. I stood by him when He lost his jobs and then he got sick and had a stoke. Some people told me that I did not have to stay with him, I should move on. I have built up such a hatred for him, I want to hurt him for not being more humble, loving and grateful to me for all that I have done for him. He is moody, cranky and his not very loving anymore. It seems like he doesnt have to give anymore in this relationship. He doesnt like to go out and do this for our relationship, he thinks we should just be. I feel like I am standing still in this relationship. I taking a class for myself and I do things by myself alot of times or with my friends or family. How do I forgive and go on like nothing is going on?

March 31, 2009 at 9:27 pm
(16) christine says:

I found out that my husband had a 3 month affair while on tour in IRAQ. And then a one night stand with someone else a month before coming home from duty. The whole time he was gone, I had my suspicions and of course asked him when it bothered me or was on my mind. The answers were the same, he didn’t cheat. He reassured me that we were ok and not to worry. I believe him when he did. My friends who’s been on tours told me that people sleep around all the time. wo years after his return home from duty, I found out on my own that the affairs did happen. When I confronted him about it, he confirmed that it was true. I felt as if I was drowning, as if someone holding me under water. I felt like I was suffocating. My chest hurt, my stomach turned and my head filled with anger, hate and rage. At the time of his infidelities, we were married for 5 years, together for 11. We have two children, both under 10 years old. Its been six months since I found out and find it very difficult to forgive him and move on. I cant even say that I’m trying to because I think about it all the time. Everything reminds me of what he’s done. Music, movies, people around us who’s doing the same thing. I get aggrevated and turn my anger back on him. How do I learn to forgive and trust. He tells me that he loves me. And all he wants is the family that we have and to move on with our lives together. But sometimes, I don’t even know if thats what I want anymore. I can’t even say if I feel the same way about him. I can’t even say the words “I love you.” It feels like a foreign language to me. I remember about a month ago when I actually said it, and felt so disgusted with myself, because it wasn’t how I really felt about him. I thought I did, I had no love in me for him. He knew it too and it hurt him. I felt dirty and after hearing myself say it to him, brought back all the images of why I haven’t said it to him all this time. I’ve been reading a lot of “advice” articles to help me through this time, and I tell myself, “ok today is the day that I will try to move on.” But it doesn’t happen. I think I need help. I think I need to see someone to get me through this.

April 1, 2009 at 2:47 am
(17) Sheri says:

Hi Christine,
You mentioned in your post that you don’t think you are even trying to forgive your husband because you think about his unfaithfulness all the time. If you can’t stop thinking about this aspect of your marriage, the forgiveness will never happen. I do encourage you to see a counselor to help you work through your anger and hurt. Hanging on to this is not only hurting your marriage, it is not healthy for you and not good for your kids.

May 6, 2009 at 5:07 am
(18) Dot says:

I read the comments here and I don’t know whether they make sense, about forgiveness. My husband has cheated on me and I just can’t imagine forgiving him! We’ve been married for just over one year, this is too early to cheat on me. I wonder what is in store for me, am only 30, how many more years of misery are ahead of me with this man?

May 7, 2009 at 2:06 am
(19) lisa says:

Hi christine, i actually start crying as i read your story. I have been in the same place as everybody here, and i keep trying to forgive but i can never forget. It’s easy for people to say “just leave”, but its not always that easy. You have this history with this person and you keep thinking maybe you can work it out. And why do the men always make you feel like its justified what they did. I know women do it to, but i just keep thinking, “why don’t men have the balls and just say to their partner/wife thats it ,it’s over”, because they want their cake and eat it to. i have no solution, just remember that whatever happens, the most important thing is your happiness.

May 13, 2009 at 8:50 am
(20) Linda says:

Dear Christine

I have been married for 4 years now. My husband cheat me with the same woman he was working with for 5 years before we got married. He was cheating before our wedding. Before our wedding the affair got suspended I hear. However a few weeks after our wedding it resumed for 2 months or so. Then finally I got the evidence when I had 2 children with him. How do I forgive a man I dont know throughout our relationship he was cheating me its hard. His mother and his brothers hate me no matter what I do I dont even have the support his friends looked on as he did this. How do I forgive. I hate him and all his people he is in the army I have to stay in a barracks and be a laughing stock.

June 5, 2009 at 4:52 pm
(21) Roger says:

Thanks for the Quotes on forgiveness, Ive been Married now for 6yrs but the last 2years have been the hardest for the both of us. I love my Wife Veronica to death and willing to learn and listen to make our Marriage last forever.I know Couples have problems in their Marriage,but dont let petty things break up what you are trying to achieve for a lifetime of joy and happiness with your spouse….Thank you for everything that was said in the comments……Roger

July 6, 2009 at 4:19 pm
(22) John says:

All I want to do is be able to forgive my wife and the man she had an affair with. She is currently going to counseling to deal with her issues from the past that helped cause the affair. I have also gone with her on a few occasions to discuss the situation.
Almost 6 months later and I still think about it from time to time. I have good weeks and some bad weeks where I dwell on it too much. I have been working hard on changing my thoughts when it does pop into my head, but it doesn’t necessarily work all of the time.
Things have been much easier the past few months, as opposed to the complete devastation I felt the first couple of months.
What I want though is complete forgiveness and the ability to trust her again. I am told that I am handling this very well and doing everything that I am supposed to be doing, but that it will take time. I wish I knew how much time this normally takes, because some days I think it will be easier just starting a new life with someone I could trust.
Starting over almost seems easier since I know I wouldn’t have a problem meeting other great women and we don’t have children together. Sometimes I get angry thinking about all the opportunities I have passed on cheating on my wife, just so she can crush my heart. I still get omen telling “Oh I wish you were single…” or something to that effect.

July 31, 2009 at 1:10 pm
(23) triguy says:

my wife had an affair very brief hooked up 2 times. she said she didn’t want sex but the creep said if she didn’t have sex he would hook up with someone else. I wasn’t giving her the attention and emotional support she needed. she thought we were headed for divorce. she has told me everyting and has not had any contact. she is truly sorry. its been 8 months and I still am haunted by it. can anyone offer anyting?

August 3, 2009 at 6:24 am
(24) Crushed says:

I am going throught the same hurt. I am with my wife for 14 years. Less than a month ago I found out when we were first married that she had an 8 month affair with her boss. After confronting her, I realized I had to forgive her. I couldn’t stay mad at the woman I love so much. Three days after i confronted her, she left a planned outing with her out of state sister to meet 3 hours away and stay over night at a hotel. After a couple of calls that evening, I found that whe was having another affair with a new man. This man was a close friend of hers from work. I confronted her again, and for love, forgave her again. My only stipulation was that she never spoke to her friend again. She took it hard, because she doesn’t have friends, and I asked her to give up the one she had. A week later she seemed to be coming out of her “mood”, I was more than elated, but something told me that all was not right. I went to work and told her I would be out all day. I drove to the next neighborhood, and walked back to spy on her. It was the most stupid thing I ever did. I heard her on the phone with this guy, talking about the sex they had and that she had “deep” feeling for him. She said that by not bring him up to me, she was throwing me off the track. I will not go into more details than that, but, just say that every word she spoke, crushed me a little more. I came home that evening, and made a light excuse that I might have to talk to him about business. A look of terror came over her face. I dropped it, and waited. That evening, while I was on the computer, she went into the bedroom and locked the door. I listened and heard her talking to him again saying that I was in the next room and she had to be careful. Since then, all has come out, and to tell the truth, I have prayed for god to take me. The unfortunate part is when men cheat, its generally just sex, women generally have feeling involved.
My problem is that I know that she will never leave me, but, she has admitted that she loves him. So how can I ever cope with that? I was expecting the movie version of this situation… Please honey, I made a big mistake! Please don’t leave me… Well that didn’t happen… Isn’t the cheater supposed to have remorse and try to work things out? I started to show more affection to her, and she said that I am smothering her. I tried to understand what drove her to him, and I understand that life pressures have closed me up. I still don’t think I’m a bad husband, and I don’t know what I have done in life to deserve this. We made love last night, and afterwards, lying next to each other naked, I didn’t hear sweet nothings, she asked me not to be mad at him… Now he’s invading my bedroom! Please don’t make snap judgments about my wife, she is a great girl, with alot of love in her heart. She just has issues inside her, and is searching in the wrong places to fix them.
My question is; I can get past the visualation of the sex acts she spoke to him about, but, How do I fix the trust issue?. How do I know that she won’t continue? She has said that she wants to regain my trust, and will not pursue him. WHY DOES THE WRONGED PARTY HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THAT CONTAINS HIS 2 BABY BOYS?
I must appologise to the people who are reading this, I’m sure its not making sense and I’m all over the place. Its 5am and I havn’t slept for 3 weeks.

…I guess the only plus is that I lost 15 pounds by not sleeping.

August 3, 2009 at 8:13 am
(25) leo says:

I can imagine what u r going thru. for me my situation was like the movie version except the movie doesn’t go into the hard work that needs to be done. for u unfortunately u have a multiple offender that is not taking ownership of her offenses. when my wife told me I grabbed the kids and took off to see if she would contact him she didn’t she pleaded to see me. ahe (and perhaps u) have some very serious isues. I auggest u draw a line and insist no more contaact with the creep and both of u get into counseling. good luck my friend

August 3, 2009 at 12:54 pm
(26) Crushed says:

Don’t get me wrong. I live in a place with plenty of women and I’m not bad looking. I only have 2 problems… I was brought up in a time where men were supposed to stand with their families at all costs, and my love for my wife is so strong, that even after all this, i can picture growing old with her. I told her that she can’t help what her heart feels, and I can forgive the sex, but I can’t share her love. To date, even after she said she wants us to stay together, she still doesn’t originate affection. I told her that the only way we will survive is to put the past, in the past.
Does anyone believe in boundless love anymore? How can I forgive, and she not be focused on affection for me?

August 4, 2009 at 5:21 pm
(27) leo says:

boundless love is fine as long as its with your spouse I think you may be in a bit of denial. she needs commit to you and figure out what is driving her to do these things or she will continue to do it

August 5, 2009 at 9:59 am
(28) Crushed says:

She has now since committed, probably after realizing that she really didn’t want a long term thing with the other guy. She has admitted that she has cheated on every boyfriend in the past, and me twice in 15 years together, and doesn’t know what causes her to do it. Even though I am still partly wearing blinders, I am hopefully optimistic. Her realizing that she has a problem, is half of solution to getting things fixed. Therapy will start soon, and, we will probably be on our way toward our new life together.

Thanks for your comments.. Sometimes you need a third party to help you think…

August 5, 2009 at 6:19 pm
(29) leo says:

my pleasure. good luck.

I would love to hear from a woman who has been in a situation like mine so I could understand better what was going thru her mind.

August 10, 2009 at 8:28 pm
(30) leo says:

any suggestions on where I find communicate with someone on the above?

August 18, 2009 at 2:29 am
(31) mae says:

Forgiveness is beyond difficult when you have a complex history of ups and downs and abuses. When I started dating my future husband 6 1/2 years ago, I was a naive high school girl with no experience what so ever in sex, communication skills, talking about and showing how I feel, etc. I didn’t even argue with him till we had dated for over a year! I always took the passive route afraid I’d scare him away and I’d be alone and unwanted (my biggest fear in life). He was jealous, controlling, had the worst temper, and the honeymoon periods was all it took to lure me back in to stay. He had good qualities for a long term relationship; driven, ambitious, did what he said he would do, and most importantly for me, was patient with my lack of experience of anything sexually related (even kissing!) and my self-consciousness. I loved him to death and would do anything for him, something he showed in return sometimes, but not when I needed it most. He was never my friend, threatened me so I stopped talking to all my guy friends, his temper would flare up and he would blame me for everything, everything was my fault including my depression (which is genetic apparently), and every fight we ever had. I just never said or did anything right. I still ended up marrying him 2 days before he left to Iraq. It was easier to endure his abuses then walk away. His deployment was the worst experience of my life so far. He became so verbally abusive, I cried every day for almost the entire year he was gone. I lost my love for him for almost a year after he came home feeling completely dead inside. We worked on our marriage when he came back by moving out of my parents house when we both got promoted, enjoyed our increase in income, and did as much together and in couples groups as possible. It was fun, but we still fought terribly after or before those outings, sometimes both. I grew depressed from problems at work, at home, and that his new habit of going out every night till 4am up to 4 times a week. I’d ask him to just go out less, come home earlier, or sometimes just stay home with me, his wife who he keeps leaving for deployments, friends, and leaving alone constantly. He fought me on it non-stop telling me I was asleep anyway so it didn’t matter if he went out. Granted he told me who/what/when/where he was going, but I wanted a husband who would comfort me, listen to me when I had a bad day, not run out on me every time or say it was all my fault. I suggested counseling, couples weekend workshops, anything! but we did nothing but fight and it just got worse. We screamed so loud sometimes I’m still shocked our neighbors didn’t complain (they were apartments). He cursed at me always and made fun of me if I cried. I fought back by getting sarcastic and anything I could think of that would be hurtful hoping he’d listen to something I said as insults always get one’s attention. Amazingly, we still had sex once a week at the least. I finally had enough and told him I wanted to be separated and stayed at my parents house for 4 days before he convinced me to come home. We started counseling and have been doing it for about a year now. He’s deployed again currently and has 6 months of his year left. He’s made many changes, we communicate better, we don’t curse at each other or scream anymore. Neither of us have cheated, that I know of, and he’s slowly becoming more of a friend. I’m no angel in all this, I lied to him for a while about who I went out with because he was so jealous just to avoid the arguements but still keep my sanity and a social life. I worked with all males up to 60hrs/wk, that was the industry, how is it my fault? And now I’m hanging out more with some guy friends I dropped years ago for fear of my husbands jealousies, even though he didn’t do the same. Now even he admits in his own words that he was an abusive dick for years. I’m trying to forgive him and move on but no matter the progress I get when I jump back whole hearted into “us”,i fall back into a rut when he gets his controlling attitude. I don’t trust his decisions, I’m still afraid he’ll hurt me again, we’re fighting more, and I can’t help but pull away and disconnect. All i can think about right now is how much I have also changed and grown and might be better off starting over on my own. But looking back at all that history? How I have molded myself around our lives? Changed my career goals to what would fit us? He still says “no” to everything I say I want to do that costs money, even if we can afford it without a problem! I’ve tried so hard to move on and be happy, but after our recent arguments fall back to how much it still hurts and how much I don’t trust him and i don’t care anymore that he doesn’t trust me. I’m tired of being hurt and being alone. I know now that it was wrong to expect him to change and wait for him to do so and I’m lucky that it happened at all. But I fear that it happened too late for me. I do love him still, it just gets covered up. What can I do? I still see the counselor on my own and with him when he’s home on leave. We talk every day. I just can’t let go. He’s held me back for so long and I’ve let him. Do I stay and still try?

August 18, 2009 at 2:58 am
(32) mae says:

Forgiveness is beyond difficult when you have a complex history of ups and downs and abuses. When I started dating my future husband 6 1/2 years ago, I was a naive high school girl with no experience what so ever in sex, communication skills, talking about and showing how I feel, etc. I didn’t even argue with him till we had dated for over a year! I always took the passive route afraid I’d scare him away and I’d be alone and unwanted (my biggest fear in life). He was jealous, controlling, had the worst temper, and the honeymoon periods was all it took to lure me back in to stay. He had good qualities for a long term relationship; driven, ambitious, did what he said he would do, and most importantly for me, was patient with my lack of experience of anything sexually related (even kissing!) and my self-consciousness. I loved him to death and would do anything for him, something he showed in return sometimes, but not when I needed it most. He was never my friend, threatened me so I stopped talking to all my guy friends, his temper would flare up and he would blame me for everything, everything was my fault including my depression (which is genetic apparently), and every fight we ever had. I just never said or did anything right. I still ended up marrying him 2 days before he left to Iraq. It was easier to endure his abuses then walk away. His deployment was the worst experience of my life so far. He became so verbally abusive, I cried every day for almost the entire year he was gone. I lost my love for him for almost a year after he came home feeling completely dead inside. We worked on our marriage when he came back by moving out of my parents house when we both got promoted, enjoyed our increase in income, and did as much together and in couples groups as possible. It was fun, but we still fought terribly after or before those outings, sometimes both. I grew depressed from problems at work, at home, and that his new habit of going out every night till 4am up to 4 times a week. I’d ask him to just go out less, come home earlier, or sometimes just stay home with me, his wife who he keeps leaving for deployments, friends, and leaving alone constantly. He fought me on it non-stop telling me I was asleep anyway so it didn’t matter if he went out. Granted he told me who/what/when/where he was going, but I wanted a husband who would comfort me, listen to me when I had a bad day, not run out on me every time or say it was all my fault. I suggested counseling, couples weekend workshops, anything! but we did nothing but fight and it just got worse. We screamed so loud sometimes I’m still shocked our neighbors didn’t complain (they were apartments). He cursed at me always and made fun of me if I cried. I fought back by getting sarcastic and anything I could think of that would be hurtful hoping he’d listen to something I said as insults always get one’s attention. Amazingly, we still had sex once a week at the least. I finally had enough and told him I wanted to be separated and stayed at my parents house for 4 days before he convinced me to come home. We started counseling and have been doing it for about a year now. He’s deployed again currently and has 6 months of his year left. He’s made many changes, we communicate better, we don’t curse at each other or scream anymore. Neither of us have cheated, that I know of, and he’s slowly becoming more of a friend. I’m no angel in all this, I lied to him for a while about who I went out with because he was so jealous just to avoid the arguements but still keep my sanity and a social life. I worked with all males up to 60hrs/wk, that was the industry, how is it my fault? And now I’m hanging out more with some guy friends I dropped years ago for fear of my husbands jealousies, even though he didn’t do the same. Now even he admits in his own words that he was an abusive dick for years. I’m trying to forgive him and move on but no matter the progress I get when I jump back whole hearted into “us”,i fall back into a rut when he gets his controlling attitude. I don’t trust his decisions, I’m still afraid he’ll hurt me again, we’re fighting more, and I can’t help but pull away and disconnect. All i can think about right now is how much I have also changed and grown and might be better off starting over on my own. But looking back at all that history? How I have molded myself around our lives? Changed my career goals to what would fit us? He still says “no” to everything I say I want to do that costs money, even if we can afford it without a problem! I’ve tried so hard to move on and be happy, but after our recent arguments fall back to how much it still hurts and how much I don’t trust him and i don’t care anymore that he doesn’t trust me. I’m tired of being hurt and being alone. I know now that it was wrong to expect him to change and wait for him to do so and I’m lucky that it happened at all. But I fear that it happened too late for me. I do love him still, it just gets covered up. What can I do? I still see the counselor on my own and with him when he’s home on leave. We talk every day. I just can’t let go. He’s held me back for so long and I’ve let him. Do I stay and still try? We’ve been together for 6 1/2 yrs.

August 18, 2009 at 7:23 pm
(33) leo says:

mae – you need to make some decisions. i’ll offer a suggestion if you like?

September 1, 2009 at 4:04 pm
(34) dont_knwwhattodo says:

I have been cheated on months within my marriage, to a guy I thought was great, and honest. I found out he was seeing a girl who has children who0 worked with my mom, and he was doing drugs behind my back. I should probably mention Im 21 got married when I was 18, he is six years older then I. Everytime he lies, he oputs me down by saying everytime he messes up its my fault. Things get physical and verbally abusive alot. He recently has gone to jail for me and now has a family violence charge, he has a lawyer, and I dont know what to do. I do not know if I want to try any longer. We have been in couseling for over a month, and yet when he gets mad he goes against everything we are trying to learn in counseling. I dont know I dont know what to do……

September 5, 2009 at 11:55 am
(35) Chel says:

A lot of people here are giving comments about how they have forgiven or wish to be able to forgive their spouse.
My comment here will be the opposite. I left my boyfriend whom I had been dating for about 7 years. I told him I had enough of this relationship just 4 days before going back home from studying abroad and I expressed it by means of chatting. Yes, I admit it’s a very cowardly and ungentle way, particularly since I didn’t really talk it over first with him.
This is the very part why he hasn’t forgiven me until today. And I realise that it takes time to forgive and accept this bitter truth that we’re not together anymore and I have treated him unfairly, especially since he had high expectations on me.
I left him not because I met another guy. I did it because I felt that it was a very tiring relationship. It was very hard for me to be open to him because he can be very sensitive and I felt that he tends to get emotional. He was dominant and I was passive. Sometimes I didn’t get to say what I wanted to express just to protect his feelings. It was hard for me to be myself when I was with him. I felt that often he was unable to make me relax and comfortable enough to be open, at the same time I didn’t have enough courage to communicate effectively. I was too afraid to hurt his feelings.
I kept bottling up my feelings, until I felt that this relationship was not as healthy as it should’ve been anymore. My mind and heart are tired. I needed to rest myself.
Since the day I left him, which is just 1-and-a-half months ago, he sometimes still calls me just to express his disappointment, anger and sadness. My decision remains the same but yet I still pick up the phone and listen to everything he wants to say. It’s tiring but this is one of consequences I have to deal with.
I guess as long as he hasn’t accepted this situation, this will go on and on. He will keep seeking for explanations and answers (which I have actually given). He will keep on asking why I did this to him and what he has done wrong that I’ve treated him like this.
Thousands of times I’ve asked for his forgiveness but I know that won’t be enough to cure his pain.
I wish one day he would forgive me.

September 10, 2009 at 6:52 pm
(36) chrissy says:

I feel everyone on this posts pain! My husband has had two affairs with the same woman. He confessed last year and we started counseling. After a month the counselor released us stating we were great! He started seeing her again two months later. He saw her for approximately nine months before I started suspecting something was wrong. I confronted him and he denied it. After a lot of stress and tears he finally confessed AGAIN! I kicked him out because I know in my heart I had done all I could, and who wants to be with someone who doesn’t love them. Not me. After 3 days he wanted to come home. I told him yes but that we would start counseling immediatly and that I would not let him come home if he didn’t cut all ties, allow me to check his phone, email etc. when I wanted to. This was and is the only way you can gain trust back. We have both done everything our counselor has told us to because we want to save this marriage. He allows me to question him, the pain is there but he is so kind and loving now that he allows me to feel and we are moving on together. If you want to forgive your spouse, you have to read the book Forgive For Good and Forgive for Love by Fred Luskin. These books have saved my life!! You are told to forgive, but do you really know how? These books teach you how. You are not going to forget the things that happened but that doesn’t mean you can’t forgive. You can move on with your life with or without the person who has hurt you. You deserve to live your life with peace in your heart, not anger and jealous rage!! I suggest you get these books, buy them on Amazon. Save your marriage and save your life!!!!

September 11, 2009 at 5:01 am
(37) crystal says:

My husband worked in a small town.My children and I moved to this town to be with him.Eversince my arrival I received numerous messages on my phone about my husband,s affair.I realy ignored it because my husband never in my married life gave me that feeling or idea that he would or could have an affair with another person.A picture was sent of him and his lover,I was devestated,shocked, numb and more.We did not go for counseling but was forced to sit down and realy spoke about what happened and why.I am still staying with him and face this woman on a daily basis.I am trappped!

September 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm
(38) carrie says:

I read all these comments n really felt the pain of ur hearts. Although I am the cheater my heart hurts too. More for my husband of 11 years. I can tell u why I cheated.over the course of our marriage I have asked, begged n even cried for more attention from my hubby. He would do good for a week then go back to hoqw it was. I even asked for romance n passion in the bedroom, but his excuse was “its kinda hard to do since u r home before me”.he goes out 2-3 times with buddies n he sometimes asks me 2 go, but that gets old n that is not the quality time I want with him. I felt myself resenting him. I wasn’t lookin to cheat, just wanted a companion, a friend to just talk n laugh, etc..but it got out of my control. My husbands sex drive was very low too. This made me feel ugly, etc..I was lookin for attention n to feel desired again. But the guilt got me cuz I never in my life have ever done this before. I confessed to my hubby n it was the hardest thing I ever done! He asked me if I could forgive him of something like that, I said yes. He said I believe u and that’s why I can forgive u. So far its been pretty good but its going to take time. I believe we will make it through n be better than we were.

October 6, 2009 at 1:01 pm
(39) Tunde says:

Honey I forgive and you know how much i love you.

November 15, 2009 at 8:01 am
(40) Pat 09 says:

I have read all the comments; husbands andcwives who cheated. We have been married 25 years a loving relationship fully trusted my husband then I found out by chance about this latest one; after finding out that there were previous ones. My heart is broken; betrayed, hurt, and all emotions you can think of. I have read up a lot on affairs, learning to forgive but to forget will not be so easy. It will be a lot of work; we will start seeing a counselor this week and above all face another challenge; he was diagnosed with prostate ca around that time o found out about this affair and his uncle died of throat CA that same week. I have good days as well as bad days; I can’t tell our friends his family and mine. I feel fortunate I have a coworker I can confide in, I have a therapist friend who gave me insight, went to see a therapist once sort of helped. Wehave a lot of work ahead of us

November 17, 2009 at 4:12 pm
(41) jeremy says:

I found out my wife was having an affair seven months ago. Needless to say, this has been the hardest seven months of my life. Aside from the cocktail of emotions I’m forced to deal with everyday-pain, anger, depression — it seems even more isolating being a man who has to experience this. The posts from the previous men were very insightful, and comforting in showing me I’m not alone. I TRULY believed my wife and I were/are soulmates. I met her while still married to someone else eight years ago. From the second we talked we both knew. From that point on all I could do was restart my life with this amazing wonderful woman. We married in 2006. Soon after a bankruptcy and car wreck that left her shoulder injured, I began to notice a definite distance in our relationship. She began a steady diet of vicodin for her shoulder pain, and became even more distant. Sure enough, like so many stories here, I found out she was unfaithful. She began an email relationship with an old boyfriend, which escalated over a couple of months to face to face. Here’s where I get lost. Her explanation is this: She started talking to this guy because he made her feel wanted and important. But over the course of only 2 weeks he became more and more threatening and possessive. This coupled with her 2 months of vicodin use caused her to start making bad choices out of fear. This also led to sex twice, her story being that it was made clear that if she didn’t there would be consequences. I love my wife like a religion. When I discovered all this she came clean and begged for forgiveness, stating if it wasn’t for the pills she would have never done any of it.
I guess I’m like everyone else here. How do you do it? How do you co-exist? We’ve been going to counseling now ever since, sometimes twice a week in the beginning. But I am still crippled with the thought of what she has done. I was a firefighter/paramedic, and saw many things that were disturbing. Nothing haunts me more than the knowledge of my wife’s infidelity. I keep expecting to wake up and have a new perspective, or learn something that will throw a switch and make it all better. But there’s nothing that will do that. Some days it feels that nothing will return the extreme pride that I once had in our relationship. All I can do is keep trying, and hope our love is strong enough to survive such a devastating blow. I’ve never had to forgive someone on this level, and don’t know how.

November 21, 2009 at 9:27 pm
(42) Crushed says:

Wow, it seems that our situations mirror each other.
I’ve learned so much from when I wrote my story. If I could give you some tidbits…
1) When it happens to you, you start a process of self examination. While I don’t believe anything justifies my wife’s action, I am just as guilty as she is for letting our lives drift apart.
2) While any spouse should enjoy freedom, but, putting on total blinders is a major mistake. My wife left blatant hints that should have opened my eyes … but didn’t. My actions were viewed as totally non caring.
3) This comment will send chills up female readers spines… Women need to feel partly like a possession. OK … to clarify … If you had a new Ferrari in your garage, it would probably be well pampered, protected, and would hold a high value to you. Why do less for your own wife? My wife felt like she, as well as our marriage, held no value to me. Every time that I “allowed” her to go out with co-workers, just sent her a message that I just didn’t give a s**t (her words). … and all along I thought I was just being a good husband.
4) I should have noticed the variation in what she drank and drugs she took. Every time she would come back from meeting him, she would drink to excess. Guilt is a fuel for some alki-drug addicts.
5) There is nothing wrong in letting your spouse know what you expect from each other. If you have not set a goal for your wife, she has no knowledge of direction and how to excel.

I could draw out this letter into pages, but, I will leave you with this …

If we lusted after our wives as much as the women passing us on the street, they would not feel unwanted.
There is nothing wrong with setting lifestyle parameters. Allowing each other to view e-mails and IM’s could eliminate future indiscretions.
Even if you notice that your “best friend” is giving your wife a shoulder to cry on … kick his rear. During hard times the vultures circle your wife like bees to pheromones. Take the “F me” sign off her back by realizing that she is the only one that cares about your problems. Hold her and reassure her that “we can work through it”.

Lastly … flat out
Don’t be a wimp. If you are crying in your soup instead of kicking her rear … It doesn’t give a good picture for your wife. Your wife fell in love with an alpha male … so turning into a wienie because your wife bedded some guy doesn’t help your situation.


PS: My wife and I are doing a lot better. While I do get a little angry every time I pass “their” hotel, for the most part I am 90% over it. We are communicating better than we have in years. Trust will come … but on my terms.

April 29, 2010 at 2:15 pm
(43) Carlos says:

I think forgiving is forgetting. Think if it this way if god forgives you for your sins but doesn’t let you into to heavan, then he hasn’t really forgiven you.

July 22, 2010 at 1:56 pm
(44) Help says:

I see all kinds of posts regarding your situations. I feel for you and I am in a similar situation. I don’t see any on actual steps to take, hints that have worked, or success stories for those who either are trying to forgive and/or have forgiven. I know this help is out there…I know the success stories are out there… where can I find them?

August 9, 2010 at 10:18 pm
(45) SoSad says:

I just found out my wife of 18 years was cheating on me with a doctor she called on. I had no clue at all. We have always gotten along at home, have 3 great kids, have regular sex and always tell each other how much we love our lives. It is the shock of my life and I am si dismayed that she could be so easily convinced to cheat. She recently lost 15 pounds and started buying new clothes and going out with her friends a lot more. Still can’t believe it!!!

September 7, 2010 at 9:48 pm
(46) mike says:

Earlyer today i fund t my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me.
as shes told me and ive seen. this is the only time and it was ounce. the thing that disturbs me more is the fact that it was her own cousin. this happened about 4 months ago. and just now found out by running into some messages.
we were going through a rough patch at the time and she said its because she felt i didn’t love her like i had before. but she knew i cared, she would admit that. when i asked her why she didn’t tell me. she says it was because she felt terrible about what happened and wanted to forget it and move on like it never happened.
she has told me that she feels horrible and hasn’t stopped crying since i found out. she did everything in her power to keep it from me and anyone else. i don’t know if its because she realizes it was a big mistake and is trying to let it go or shes going to do it again.
even when i asked her if she had been faithful she would tell me she was and everything. i just don’t know what to make of this =( i feel so betrayed but i know i love her to much to let go. i know forgiving is something that’s hard for me to do. i want this relationship to work and she says does to.

September 10, 2010 at 3:02 am
(47) lostsoul says:

My husband whom I loved with all my heart, just after we had been married for a few months, asked me to bring to him my sister so that he could sleep with a virgin woman. I wasn’t a virgin and I didn’t know he resented that so much. I talked to my sister and in front of my eyes they had sex and said sweet words to each other, in my house in my bed. I thought he would be satiated and I would be able to live peacefully after having fulfilled his desire. Well I only made the rest of my own life hell. He has never cheated on me again. He loves me a lot and I have tried forgiving him, but I can’t get that picture and those words out of my head. We have been married for 25 years and I can’t love him and I can’t leave him. I keep telling myself that I am doing this for my son but I think I am a coward. Forgiving and forgetting are both very hard in the real world.

September 27, 2010 at 9:02 am
(48) Don't know what to do !!! says:

I recently found out my Husband of 5 years, has been cheating on me. I don’t know the details, but I do know it’s been going on for a while and it was both emotional and physical.
My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do !
I have two small children under the age of 3 and I work from home.
The other woman lives just down the street.
I feel like a prisioner in my own home. I feel like I have to watch everything my husband does and says. I even get up hrew the night to make sure he’s still home. The other woman though he was going to leave me for her, so she is still trying to convience him to be with her, by calling and stalking our home !
I don’t know how to trust him again, I feel so betrayed, lost and sad !
I grew up in a single parent family and swore I would never allow that to happen to my children, but right now I don’t know !
I love him but I hate what he has down to me and our family !
When he leaves for anything I am on pins and needles wait for him to get back with the details of where he’s been. I don’t want to live like this but I don’t know how to trust him again.
He has told me he wants to work threw this and will do anything I want him to do, even marriage counselling, but I don’t have the funds to pay for marriage counselling. I wish I did.
I just don’t know how to move forward, I feel stuck !!!
Please help !!!

October 14, 2010 at 5:31 pm
(49) Dead Inside says:

My wife and I had always been very close, that type of couple that everyone says that they hope they can be like when they are married for 10+ years. After moving back close to my best friend, she began to see him on a regular basis behind my back. She had been raising the kids while I finished my Masters degree, and began getting cold toward me. She used the fact that she gave up her own future for mine as her reason to ask for a divorce. I did everything that I could to be the perfect husband while they continued their affair. I was so clueless. He would talk to me in the morning, and sleep with her over lunch. When I found out I hyperventilated and punched a wall, breaking my hand. It ended up keeping me from ever being able to confront him the way I still dream of. She has done everything to make it up to me, but how do you actually forgive someone that deliberately hurts you so bad? They both say they were in a bad place, but that is no excuse. Try using that one on a judge. Since then, he moved across the country, and had cut all ties with me. Unbelievably, I still miss him as my friend. We had a friendship that I had never experienced and I miss the innocence of my wife, and the fun times with my friend. Now I just feel like I wake up to wait to go back to sleep. I am on medicine, and I work out….nothing seems to take away the pain that I feel from the worst betrayal by the two people I loved with all of me.

October 17, 2010 at 8:35 pm
(50) Martini says:

I was very happy in my 5 years marriage until I heard from my husband that he’s attracted to someone else, he said he’s not happy with himself since he’s facing the midlife crisis. He wants still to be with me and hold on to this marriage and I still love him very much…How can I forgive him? and forget what happened ? and how can I focus to the future?

December 4, 2010 at 1:51 pm
(51) Misha says:

I have read many of these posts. I’m no therapist, but I’m wondering if divorce (gasp!) might actually be healthy in most of these cases. I mean, having this much stress emotionally and mentally that actually affects you every day and every hour and every minute can’t be good to you physically. The one thing that helps me forgive, whether it’s a friend who did me wrong or a family, is distance and time. Everyone has heard that ‘time heals all wounds’ but when a person is constantly reminded of the hurt every day it’s almost impossible. That’s where distance comes in. For those who have kids, kids pick up so much more than you think! If there is stress in the household, they are stressed out too. Again, I’m not a therapist, but sometimes I think that divorce might actually be healthier for all persons and family members involved.

December 4, 2010 at 7:30 pm
(52) bruce says:

my wife of four yrs cheated on me with my so called best friend also the best man at our wedding when found out they couldnt decide how long the had been cheating it slipped there minds the wife couldnt decide who she loved more needless to say i am divorced good riddens to the overwieght ugly messy woman and to my acne ridden friend and his wishy washy fence sitting politics his laziness was overwhelming to watch and i bet now hes sitting in my chair as lAZY AS EVER AS BORING AS EVER AND I HOPE I GRATES ON HER NOW THE SNEAKING AROUND IS OVER THE EXCITEMENT IS OVER THE ROMANCE IS NOW REALITY THE BEDROOM SMALL TALK THE LIEING FOR ONE ANOTHER THE COMRADERIE IS NOW A BORING REALNESS AND ITS DAWNED ON HER I BET THAT THE GUY IS A MORON HES AN IDIOT NO QUESTIONS I WAS AN ALCOHOLIC GOOD REASON TO LEAVE BUT NOT A GOOD REASON TO TELL LIES HONESTY PEOPLE IS THE BEST POLICY WHat annoyed me was the lies the cover ups would she have told lies to protect me i asked her straight out was she cheating no was the reply lies hurt the most his and her lies made my life a lie i became a third party in our marriage for these piece of trash that is what makes me angry

December 21, 2010 at 2:09 pm
(53) Mhellow says:

i can feel all the pain in this post. i am somewhat relieved that i am not the only one feeling / suffered from this mistake. i am married now for two years with a year old baby. last 4 months my wife cheated on me. i already have a bad feeling before but i just pushed it aside because in my heart my wife will never cheat on me, i ask her in a loving way every night if she loves me and she answers me yes all the time, when i can no longer hold it in i asked her couple of times do you have another guy she told me No you are the only one and she always pinch my nose. then i let it go again. one time while she is reading a book and i just came back from work i opened her mobile and i saw email messages focusing on how they will have their actions at work. thats the time i asked her what is this email she said a friend used her mobile and she kept denying then i told her ive read the messages. thats the time she said she had an affair with her deputy manager.

she claims that she did not do the actual sex. it was all dirty emails and kissing and touching their parts. it kills me, i cant explain the pain, i feel like im burning and about to explode every time i think / remember what she did,

then i was able to retrieve her first email account they used. it was during this time i learned that she is cheating on me for months and she is telling the guy how much she loves him and how much she dislikes me and how she is pretending that she is happy with me, that she already fell out of love for me.

December 31, 2010 at 12:54 am
(54) teria says:

Just a few days ago I found out my spouse had a sex while on a trip. He met up with his ferternity brothers from his college days. He got drunk and had sex with a girl, he blacked out so he doesn’t remember it. I found out because I now have to be test for an STD. I have all the things going through my head. I feel hurt, betrayed and I don’t know what else. I’m believe in better or worse, I believe in my marriage vows, so what to I do? How do I forgive for the 2nd time?

January 5, 2011 at 3:02 am
(55) Trying to let go says:

I am trying to forgive you…but I am glad that my suffering annoys you. I am trying to let that go.

January 18, 2011 at 5:54 pm
(56) JohnP says:

I am also living the nightmare. Married to my wife for 18 years, we just drifted apart, kids, work, family and friends. I am old school and love my wife with every cell of my being but do not always show it. My parents have been married for 50 years and I would never even think of cheating on my wife .My wife and I spent less and less time alone together. I became suspicious when I caught my wife whispering on the phone. Spending more and more time in our spare bedroom on the phone. She even occasionally locked the door. I knew there was something wrong. I could just sense that she was lying to me when I asked her if everything was ok. I won’t disclose any details but I did obtained concrete proof of my wifes infidelity. Let me tell you that feeling when you discover that the one you love and the one you have committed your life to has sinned and fornicated with a stranger is the worst feeling in the world. To this day I will find myself day dreaming and visualizing this guy humping my dear sweet innocent wife. She admitted that she was seeing this guy and on and off for about 6 months. How can I ever trust her again? How can I ?

January 23, 2011 at 11:04 pm
(57) Vanessa says:

I never thought he would cheat on me but he did. We’ve been married fourteen years this month. This is a second marriage for both of us. I thought I got it right this time. I guess not. We had an agreement, seeing as how both of our ex’s cheated, we promised each other we wouldn’t do that to each other. We were supposed to be mature about it, communicate, try to work it out or seperate before one or both of us got hurt/destroyed. That was the agreement. It’s been just over four years now since I first found out his indiscretion and it still plagues me.

To this day, he says he’s sorry. That he’s hurt too. That he never meant to hurt me. I can not seem to let go or move on from it. Over the last four years, I have become this other person. I’m pretty sure that I don’t love him but I stay because of any number of reasons; the kids, don’t want to start over, finances… I’m slowly coming to the realization that I can’t stay with him. I’ve allowed myself to become this person that I don’t even recognize anymore; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I guess I say all of this to say that I know that forgiveness is more about my ability to let go and move forward, that I need to forgive. That it’s important to let go or move on. I just haven’t found the strength to do so yet.

I think I have to learn to forgive myself first. Forgive myself for giving in to the hurt and pain I felt and allowing myself to become this other person, for acting totally out of character and against my beliefs.

March 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm
(58) Stuart says:

How about your wife leaving your marriage, forcing you to sell the beautiful house you busted your ass to get,having 3 boyfriends and after 3 years wanting to put back the marriage? All this from a sweet innocent girl that seemed to be as holy as Mother Mary herself when I married her?
Oh, did I mention calling the cops to try to get me busted so I wouldn’t be in the house with her?
She’s back, she’s sorry, NOW she’s willing to put out.

What to do????

April 8, 2011 at 2:19 am
(59) mary says:

i have been married for 4 years more than 2yrs before i got married to my husband i slept with 3 of my ex husbands and my husband asked me and i said inever did anyhting, then later i decided to tell him he got so angry wanted to divorce me, i asked for forgiveness and he said u are not serious i know when u are serious. whenever we have an arguements he goes back t everything that happened in the past and insults me, because i kno i did wrong i always ask for forgivness and he says he doesnt know whether he will ever trust me again, he doesnt want to forgive he says if he cant forgive thats who he is , we argue a lot to the extent that am tired of it, but for the sake of my baby boy, i keep forgiving him when he does wrong, he slept with someone he doesnt even know when we were married and he told me and asked for forgiveness and i forgave him, he sarted an affair wit a 14 year old gire told me and i forgave him, when i do something wrong he does not want to forgive he says people differ,thoughts differ, he wants to leave the marriage he says being in thid marriage does not mean that i love u bu because i feel sooy for you. he thinks i used him, yes i lied to him up to now i still ask for forgiveness but he is not intrested. i still luv him but i think am loosing hope. he keeps talking about separating form january to december and have asked him to make up his mind and stop saying it everday.

April 10, 2011 at 12:57 pm
(60) Sm1234 says:

I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years. At first everything seemed fine (as it always does) , until we moved in together…. I found out about another woman, a porn “addiction” , secret lunch dates/ sexual hook-ups with his ex (among other things) I didn’t know what to do or how to confront him, I asked him about these things n he (of course) became the victim and denyed everything. After sometime he came clean , I tried my best to forgive him but its too hard. I think about it everyday. It Litteraly consumes my life just dwelling on all he has done. Just when I thought I was ready to throw in the towel I found out I was pregnant.. It made me sooo happy!! :-) but along with happy news always comes the sucker punch… along with high blood pressure my doctor told me I had an STD!! I couldn’t believe it! I was in shock, still am. I don’t know how I could EVER forgive him for this. Not only did he put me in harms way but our unborn baby girl…
I feel so betrayed… he’s obviously still cheating on me…

May 9, 2011 at 1:04 am
(61) Crushed says:

There is no forgiveness… Dump her and move on. Its not worth the effort.

May 21, 2011 at 12:35 pm
(62) Sad says:

I am crying as i read. My husband gave me a std. Thats how i found out. When i told him he lied and lied. He got mad saying he did nothing. He cried screamed and even swore to god he did not do it. I was not until i called hos mother and told her and said i was leaving did he come half way clean. My husband has always had a problem with lying. I never thought he would to this to me. I dont believe a word he says. He said it was one time with a girl from his past outside a night club. He claims he has no way of contacting her snd she lives in another state. How could he not protect me. I have cried so hari throw up. I do not believe he can’t find her so in my eyes he is protecting her. He says he is sorry and wants his marriage. He says he now understamds that he has a problem.he wants to get help. Im just not there. I love him but i dont think i will ever trust him again. Is my marriage over? This just happened 3 weeks ago. I cant look at his face. Is it possible to hate and love someone at the same time?

May 21, 2011 at 9:43 pm
(63) Justin says:

I myself am in trying times, I’ve been with my fiancee for 6 years,and just learned of a short lived affair that happened 6 months ago, At the time things we both were doing were unacceptable and we seemed lucky to even make it this far, we both work full time and have a 4 yr old daughter my job in the day hers at night, has been since we had our daughter, life it seems has led us here out of love, I think I’m lucky because it didn’t cause my destruction but the pain is horrible, I love her with all my heart, and have already forgiven her, I just hope I can choose to forget and focus on our future.The other man was a temp for the place she works and took advantage of her in a time of weakness and lonelyness and made her feel wanted, I actually spoke with him and apparently he’s been doing so with women spoken for for a while, I hope we survive and do whats right,
we’ve cried with each other for 2 days now and have just been clinging to each others hope.

May 27, 2011 at 8:16 am
(64) In Recovery says:

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and together as a couple for 17 years. I recently caught her half naked in her car with my best friend at 3 am. She has never, ever shown any signs of being unfaithful and we enjoy a great relationship with good sex. (Which has doubled in activity over the last 3 months)
She has recently lost 25lbs and bought some sexier clothes. She is going to turn 40 this year and seems to be going through some sort of midlife crisis. She and my friend were piss drunk when it happened and neither even remember the drive home. “Crushed” had some good comments on what to do and I really connected to what he had to say.
I kicked my friend’s ass in my driveway when I caught them. I also slapped my wife across the face so hard that I gave her a black eye. That is the first time I have ever struck a woman in anger and I am not proud of it. I was just shocked and enraged to the point I was beside myself. My wife passed out and when she woke up in the morning she asked me why she had a black eye. I told her what happened and she looked horrified and cried very hard. I apologized for hitting her and she said she deserved it for her actions. She promised to commit her life to making it up to me and over the last month she has gone out of her way to be attentive to my needs. I read a lot of your posts and they are very heart wrenching. I still have weird bouts of anger that seem to come out of nowhere and I feel committed to keeping my family unit together and I think i can forgive her for her infidelity. Some people are just cheaters and some just make drunken mistakes. Have you ever made a mistake that hurt someone and you wish that you could take it back? I beleive this is how my wife feels and I am willing to work through the anger and try to enjoy the love that she has always shown me. What else can I do?

June 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm
(65) Devoured says:

I just recently found out by my wife of 6 years has been having an affair by reading her Facebook email messages It appears that they first met over 3 years ago. I’m not sure how many times they’ve had sex, but the messages make it more than apparent that sex has occurred. We have 2 boys together who are old enough to understand basic problems and ask questions as to what’s going on and why daddy doesn’t live at the house anymore. After finding out, I cleared the house of all my possessions within an hour. After two days of being homeless, last night I signed a lease in another location…

The time they met was just after my second child was born. I admit that I was no longer physically attracted to her at that and that I most of the time resorted to masturbating, where she had caught me doing on several occasions. I feel that it’s my means of staying faithful and it’s somewhat of a childhood habit that I simply couldn’t kick so easily, but could cut back. She felt neglected and threw her ring at me. I should have seen it coming at that point. 2 months later we took a trip to S. America and a month after that, I deployed to Afghanistan. I dropped a significant amount of money for her to get plastic surgery. We both agreed that her ‘kangaroo pouch’ had to go and her breasts needed work. And so did the doctor, which had to do some serious reconstructive surgery on her breasts.

Needless to say, the surgery helped a lot. Later to find out that I wasn’t even the first one that was able to enjoy her exquisite body… I wanted sex all the time, 10x a day if my body let me. Our sex was at a peak and continued to be up until today. While deployed, she once admitted that she had every intention of leaving me for what I had done to her before I left. I regret my selfishness and somewhat acknowledge that my actions drove to her infidelity. However, she says it’s my entire fault….

June 1, 2011 at 4:02 pm
(66) Devoured says:

I should have seen it coming. I have had 3 STD’s over this 3 year period, one of those having no cure, and yet I simply failed to address the situation like I should have. I loved her and kept telling myself excuses such as her catching them from toilet seats or other locations. It wasn’t until she started to treat and talk to me as if I was of lesser value or sub-human. After a few weeks of this verbal abuse, I realized that I didn’t want to live my mom’s life and putting up with the abuse for 35+ years just so the kids will have a complete family and so my dad could provide for us. I instead waited for her departure and searched her FB account for the key to give me the strength to leave.

The man she had an affair with turned out to be another ‘Brother in Arms’ who had a total disregard for another man’s wife, let alone another man that could potentially be put in a position to one day have to save this guy’s life. Yesterday, I got my justice. I took pictures of ALL their FB correspondence and delivered them to his commanding officer. She then assured me that his Battalion Commander doesn’t tolerate adultery and has been known to even prosecute. The guy who thought he was about to get promoted will more than likely get demoted, and his career will come to a halt. Justice…. I left there with a smile on my face. Should a man commit a crime against me and get away with it, leaving me in shambles and breaking up a family? Hell no! May he burn in Hell!

June 1, 2011 at 4:03 pm
(67) Devoured says:

Today, I met with her at a restaurant for the first time since I found out. She didn’t deny anything and was apparently truly sorry. She offered to testify against him and make any type of sworn statement. She said that the affair was broken off months ago when the guy wanted to disclose everything to me all their actions so he could have her to himself. Bet he didn’t see this one coming. Anyway, she is without a doubt truly sorry for her actions and now realizes what she had, when I left. Isn’t that usually how it works? Only two days after finding out, she wants me to come back home for makeup sex and to keep the family together.

How the hell could I forgive and forget in 2 days! Here’s the catch. I managed to keep a civil conviction “misdemeanor” from my work for years now. Should they find out, it could potentially be the end of my career, if not jail time for falsifying documents specifically stating that I had no convictions. She now threatens to leak this to my chain of command and take my kids to her country of citizenship, which is not the US, if I don’t get back with her.

I love her and always have. I’m trying to find the strength to maybe forgive her and move back in. Everything triggers an emotional breakdown. Times we’ve had, plans for the future, our kids… Family tells me that she was never right for me and tells me to forget her and move on with my life. Ever her relative that I have confided in tells me the same.

June 1, 2011 at 4:04 pm
(68) Devoured says:

I always treat my wife with dignity and respect. I have never laid a hand on her. I have never once, in all of our sever arguments, called her a degrading name. I am always trying to change my ways to tailor her wants and needs. In a nut shell, I’m always trying to make other people happy. What about me?

She claims that her recent aggression derived from my spring break trip to Europe with my brother, who is also my one and only friend. We backpacked for 2 weeks and hiked over 100 miles across Europe, hence the reason we didn’t want our spouses to come. Men are just naturally stronger and able to push harder in such circumstances. He had never been to Europe and I had lived there for 4 years so I could be a ‘guide’. An innocent trip that she conspires to be an affair with another woman. A psychiatrist I had once been seeing stated that she manifests such things onto me because she more or less projects her feelings and actions on me. That puts her and eases and makes her feel that the ‘eye for an eye’ has been carried out. I tell her that it helps her sleep at night while I toss and turn.

I told myself over and over not to give in. I didn’t expect her pleads and begging for me to come back would come so quick. They once again had an effect on me. I now doubt my decision to flee and feel an obligation to get us counseling and work things out. Regardless of what family might say…

June 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm
(69) Devoured says:

I couldn’t imagine searching for another love right now. I frown on the thought of being married to another woman that will hurt me again. We are now even more compatible because we share the same STD, that would generally steer another potential lover in another direction. We know and understand one another, I put up with herself and family diagnosed ‘bi-polar’ aggressive behavior and have learned how to cope with it. Is that not love? Should it be thrown away? I told her to give me some time alone to think. My lease is only 30 days, and on a month by month basis with a bunch of roommates in a very nice upscale house for a cheap rate. They are all my age and responsible and seem to be helping me keep my mind out of the gutter. Hard to do when she constantly sends me pictures of our boys and family days together.

My heart tells me to forgive, but it appears that after reading ALL the posts here, people are still haunted by the experience for months, and years to come. Could the forget part be easier? Simply leave and forget all, including her. Not so easy because there will always be interaction with the exchange of our kids and any other instance that might arise out of our children’s actions. If I’m not exposed to her, I won’t think of all the bad things, no? Will it happen again? As so many posts have noted. As one post’s advice, get therapy and allow access to any account, on both sides. That means no more phone passwords, computer passwords, and breaking communication will all suspicious friends.

June 1, 2011 at 4:06 pm
(70) Devoured says:

I understand that sex is of our weakest self controls. More meaningless when guys commit the act due to simple physical attraction. Woman tend to lean to affairs for emotional reasons, love… Either or, it’s our monogamous species’ cursed means of procreation.

I am usually one to make intelligent decisions and do what’s best for me and the people around me. This decision might take some more time than any other I have ever made. I pray that I will have the power and strength to forgive and forget. I don’t feel her recommendation that I go out and cheat on her will balance the playing field and make things better, or right. It does, however, show me that she’s willing to do whatever and be exposed to whatever to make us work.

A load off my chest… Comments welcome. Thanks for viewing

June 1, 2011 at 5:13 pm
(71) Me says:

We live one time forever so think with your heart, and speak with your soul and you will find the answer to your mind. Life does not only consist of good times, there are bad times too, but its up to you to work thru it. Good Luck!

June 1, 2011 at 11:53 pm
(72) 35 years invested says:

I have been married for 35 years. Three years ago ,I discovered that my husband had sex on 3 different occasions.The first time , he cheated on me was when we were just dating. He thought that I cheated on him (I did not) It was revenge sex with someone that he knew in high school.We married 3 years later. I had no idea that he had done this.Next,it was two times with the same woman . The first time he had sex with this woman was after our first daughter was less than 2 yrs old.This was a woman (whom he knew from the time he was 15 years old.)His justification was that it was a just a friendship. Also, he said that because I was more sexually active before our marriage ,he was envious…. that led to jealousy and betrayal. For years, they kept in touch. Fourteen years later,he saw her again and spent 11 hrs with her. The next day, he called her and he ended up spending the night with her and having sex. Thier corespondence continued until I discovered a party invitation from her addressed to my husband via this friend of his. At first, he denied everything. He said that he never had sex with her. Well, he lied. And kept lying. I have been faithful to my husband all this time. I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive my husband. It is so painful to think of all of his dishonesty throughout our marriage. It truly makes me crazy at times. But, the time that I spent being a good wife, and good mother is huge. There is lost emotion on my part that will never be recovered. He says that he loves me. He called as well as wrote to this woman and told her that he does not want anything more to do with her. Now he is seemingly trying to make our life better. He tells me that he never loved her, it was an oppurtunity and that was all. He is not the same love that I married. My love for him , he so undervalued.We are trying to make it work . This is not easy.There is no forgiveness in my heart. None.

July 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm
(73) Chris says:

I found out yesterday on our 10th wedding anniversary through an errant phone call( yes I got to listen to the entire thing). I don’t know how I can get through this we have an 8 year old and 6 year old the last thing I wanted them to be hurt I just don’t know what to do in my heart I want to forget her I can’t trust it won’t happen again in my heart. how do we survive this?

July 10, 2011 at 12:21 am
(74) Sheri says:

Chris, When you’ve just found out about a cheating spouse, it is important that you not rush into any decisions and that you remember the importance of taking care of yourself, both emotionally and physically. That means regular sleep, a healthy diet, exercise, and having some fun and laughter in your life.

This article may be helpful to you:

July 27, 2011 at 11:54 pm
(75) Sheri M says:

pretty much 1 in 2 marraiges fail due to cheating. approximately 80% of people who divorce REGRET IT. grow up and deal with all the facts, and if you cannot speak honestly to one another, if you can’t seek help together, if you cannot forgive and TRUST one another again – you will never find happiness with another – because you will carry this with you the rest of your life with every other person. FORGIVE and love one another. people are FLAWED.

August 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm
(76) Chanelle says:

My husband and I have been together for 10years of these we havee been married for 6.i found out a month ago that he has been cheating on me for the past 7months.what hurts most is that i was 7months pregnant with our daughter who is now 6months.he cheated with the receptionist at our workplace what hurts most is i have to see her everyday at work.I have tried to forgive but i can’t.i come from a broken family (my parents divorced when i was 6)all thats keeping me in this marriage are my 2 daughters..what do i do

October 15, 2011 at 9:32 am
(77) blANCA says:

I just want share that i was with my husband for nine years before i came to the lord.During those nine years we had a real bad relationship.When i came to the lord everything changed for me the lord gave me a love for my husband that i never had.I started to change so much that i was new person that impacted my husband so much that he started going with me to church. We got married by church right away.Know we been married for nine years that is a total of 18 years together. I believe in forgiviness so much and also forgeting. Me and my husband went threw a lot.He also cheated on me but till these day that has been the past and the lord has giving us a new opportunity that we are so thankful.With the lord everything is possible these is just a little part of my testimony.God bless every marriage you can do it!!!

October 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm
(78) Sollo says:

My wife of 26 years says she has fallen out of love with me due to the anger, resentment and bitterness she feels because of the emotional neglect we’re both guilty of. Her father ignored her growing up and they are estranged and she feels I’ve done the same thing to her so her love has grown cold.

I’ve never cheated, I’ve never put my hands on her in anger, not an alcoholic, not a gambler and have been a good provider and father to our children. I know I did not give her what she needs but never really understood what that was and didn’t get what I needed either.

She also started an emotional affair with a guy from our town that was hundreds of texts a day and eventually I caught her in a lie when she went to see him and said she was with a girlfriend. She swears that they have not had sex, but I am having a hard time believing her because the trust has been broken. I told her she must stay away and have no contact with him if our marriage is to be saved.

She has agreed to go to counseling to let go of her anger and work on her issues, but I’m not feeling good about the chances that she’ll discover that she does love me. I love her so much and want her to be happy, but I fear she’s too far gone.

November 5, 2011 at 10:51 pm
(79) Lingley says:

My guy had a thing with my best friend for 3yrs of and on.he said it wasn’t sexual but I don’t believe him!
He admitted to everything and more but I still believe he’s hiding things from me.I try and talk but his guilt turns into anger and it doesn’t get any where,I want to go to marriage counseling but he won’t.I feel alone in this,I am so lost and have a VERY different perspective of my life.I don’t no if I will ever forgive him or even how to.And I no I will NEVER forget it either!
Any one have any advice on where to start so I can live my life.???

January 2, 2012 at 3:09 am
(80) michelle says:

forgiveness is very hard for me. ive been married for 5 yrs and we dont hve children. after marriage i went to abroad to work to help him for our future, but last month i just fund out that he had a mistress and sad to say they have a baby. i confront him about the issue and he admit it. now he want a divorce from me for him to continue his relationship to his mistress. working abroad is very difficult for me, praying everyday to avoid temptation.but all the good thing ive done to our relationship just to save our marriage i think dont deserve this. mentaly & physically im disturb.

January 16, 2012 at 4:55 pm
(81) Dave says:

Forgiveness is often, while not easy, doable. I learned from a retreat in my church how to love completely enough to forgive.

As others have said, the forget part is the hard one. From being honest and examining my life, I figured I’m a ’7 year guy’ – after 7 years I usually quit thinking about it routinely anymore. Quite the burden to cary, eh? Yet, so many of us do.

I was married 28 years, knew her for 3 before that, she left for another guy and lied about it till he did the same thing and they married. Most people are good overall, just very selfish. They cannot face the fact of what they are doing to you and have to see you as the sum of any bad you have done so they can justify bailing to the new person.

The pain never completely goes away – you can just bury it with a variety of tools. Those who say ‘I’m happier now’ are replacing the hurt/lost love with something new, which is healthy. Not admitting to yourself this is what you are doing, is not healthy – what other lies are you telling youself (as your partner did when they cheated on you)?

Strength comes from honesty, then love of others (for me God first, then my family and then friends). I can be happy with another, certainly happier than I was at the end of my marriage. :-) I do not feel the need to compare, or see what I’ve lost, only what I know have. The pain that persists is the betrayal, for I was the ‘absolute trust and belief’ kind of guy.

Good luck all, and God bless

February 6, 2012 at 10:28 am
(82) sue says:

I have read through the majority of the comments and feel the pain everyone feels here, amazing how this conversation has lasted 3 years, I to am suffering more than anyone can realise who knows me, i hide behind a smiling face but deep down i hurt, my partner had an on line affair for nine months with an ex girlfriend, they swapped pictures, numbers and although she lived 200 miles away he messaged her inimate things that were more loving then he showed me.
he lied to me when i found out, he said it meant nothing, it was just fun and he had no intention of going to see her, i had to believe him but deep down i knew it was a lie, i tried to talk to him but he refused to discuss it with me, this left me feeling like he didnt care…because he wouldnt talk to me it left me with the opinion he didnt care about our relationship, i dont feel in the 10 months since i found out that our relationship has improved, i wonder if its becsuse he is greek that he thinks he can do this, as the greeks are well known for not treating women with respect, he has a man i loved dearly, i still love him yet i hate him, i am so consumed with angry and pain that almost every day we argue, i throw insults at him which even shock me..i have this burning desire to make him suffer the pain I do, i read once that an affair leaves the partner feeling like they are dealing with a death, i have had many deaths in my family and i believe it the same kind of feeling, it leaves you totally devastated…i want him more than anything to make me feel loved again but he doesnt and thats why im so angry inside…i think all i can do is leave and start again, what a waste of 3 years, we were together 3 years, i think its pathetic, i gave him everything, mush more than he did me, i cant sllep with him and i shy away in disgust even if he is close to me, i dont know what to do anymore….im very confused….

February 21, 2012 at 8:12 am
(83) Jane says:

I am OK most days. 7 months ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair with a coworker. So many clues that I did not pick-up on; I always thought I would “know”. Our marriage had been crap for about a year and a half – textbook. I just recently took a look at the text portion of our phone bill – had I done that 2 years ago… well you don’t know what you will do. Seriously, I don’t know when they had the time to work! I am fortunate – he completely cut off contact, even though he worked with her;and cancelled his social chat account. I have done some things I’m not very proud of, deleting numbers from his phone, but for the most part he had already done most of it. There has never been another phone call/text to her number and he has a new job, very lucky in this economy. Our time together now is like when we were dating 11 years ago. He keeps waiting for the “other shoe to fall” but really I got most of my anger out at discovery. Now I get sad mostly because things are sooo much better, why did we let it fall apart. My counselor told me I am fortunate that my marriage was crap, because apparently it is so much worse if everything is great and then SURPRISE! When I focus on the present, I am great, BUT if I go to the past DISASTER and if I go to the future, well the “what if’s ” start popping up and DISASTER! I prefer him to touch me and more because I feel loved and attractive. I want my husband in a physical way, for that reason too. I guess because for a year and a half there was nothing but meanness on both sides. I do know now everyone handles things differently, what one can tolerate, another cannot. I always thought I would have divorced after infidelity, no respect, no love, etc. But I have surprised myself. My husband has done everything he can to change, as have I. I just need to remember to enjoy and focus on the present.

March 5, 2012 at 10:58 pm
(84) Ann says:

It’s been almost two years since I caught my husband lying to me and pursuing another woman. And as I seem to do on a regular basis, here I am trying to understand how people move forward together after the lies. It wasn’t the first time he had lied to me about flirting or inappropriate contact with women, but it was the first time I didn’t allow him to turn it into an issue that I didn’t respect his privacy and shouldn’t have been looking at the phone bills or emails. So, has he had a physical affair with someone else? I don’t know the answer for sure, but my heart says yes. We’ve been married almost 10 years and I truly love him. (if I didn’t, I know I would have been long gone). But, like I said, it has been apart 2 yrs since I last caught him in a lie or hiding secrets about women and after counseling (me only), reading a lot, and searching for that key to let go and move forward loving him for who he is, not who I want him to be, I still come to the web looking for some magic words, suggestions, something to help me to let it go and stop the pain I still have inside over it. You know, he never even said he was sorry and we have never spoken about it since the day that he knew I had the facts and he was caught. I told him to leave if that would make him happy, because I just want him to be happy. I can tell those out there that if you love your partner and can focus on loving and accepting them for who they are, it helps with the forgiveness. I can only control what I do, so I do what I do for me. Whether that means working on moving forward or walking away when the day comes that i accept that i can’t. I cant say that I will ever totally forgive, but I know that if I don’t, I will have to accept the pain that I encounter every time I return to where I am right now, remembering how he broke my heart and has the ability to do it again.

March 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm
(85) Rebecca says:

It is a sigh of relief to know that I am not alone. In January, our 9 yr anniversary, I found out my husband was having an emotional affair. My heart shattered, when I confronted him, he admitted it & left the house that night for some “space” which has turned into a full fledge affair. About a month into the mistress realized that he was still seeing me & telling me he loved me, she told him to go divorce his wife & come back to her. Well no divorce has happened, she thinks she controls him, but as soon as she is at work- he is with me. My friends/family think I am pathetic for loving him despite his mistake. He is my first love, we are high school sweethearts, we have survived three war deployments, he has brought war home. In the past six months his life has crumbled, as his school was taken away from him & the Army started to medboard him out due to his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injury, he pushed everyone away & was ready to kill himself. She took advantage of his vulnerability, & now my worst nightmare is playing out before my eyes. We both still love eachother deeply,& cannot close our door or let one another go. I don’t know where to go from here. There are days where I want to leave, but my feet won’t move, because my heart isn’t ready. He is my best friend, and our connection is a once in a lifetime connection. When he is home he is loving, and honest– part of me wishes I had found out about the affair after it was done, instead of having to continue to live through it. (will continue in next post)

March 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm
(86) Rebecca says:

(continued) I am 27 years old, I do not want a divorce, I would rather be here loving him unconditionally and show him how true love works– and hope that he opens his eyes. If he doesn’t, and decides to leave– I want that to be his burden. I am focusing on myself, we have no children, but I am at home with the dogs, I finished my bachelor’s degree, and am working full time at a military non-profit, I am working on self-reflection, individual counseling, and bettering myself. (will continue in next post)He invited me to his appointments and we had a good counseling session with his therapists. I know he is conflicted, broken and shattered, trying to pull himself out of this black hole. I know if I am patient, and focus on the positive– that eventually this girl will fall on her face, show him that what he feels for her is not love, but infatuation. I am at a loss– pain and depression are overwhelming, but at the end of the day we are still best friends who love one another, I miss him and he misses me, but for now- I have to learn how to live life without him and hope he comes back to me. I am working on forgiveness, but its a daily struggle.

April 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm
(87) Erah says:

It will never be difficult to give forgiveness to a husband cheating or who had committed infidelity either physical or emotional if he is not repentant to his mistakes/wrongdoings. When he kept on denying and never acknowledges he had wronged you; and that he evades for a talk to settle things, well, it will be unforgivably on the victim’s side. Closure is important to start anew. But how long I can forgive my husband who repeatedly commits the same mistakes over and over again? How I am to forget and forgive for good when while you are still in the healing process, he is starting another infidelity? Much more if your husband is ordained and running to become a bishop? Say, it was emotional infidelity only for there was no sex (physical) involved and for many it is safe, it is okay and there is no affair at all! Sex is define as meeting the minds, finding joy in heart and spends longer time together either chatting, calling or meeting. So, not committing infidelity? Please, tell it to the moon!

May 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm
(88) Jamielove says:

Hi guys.. I have had to spend most of my life in the forgiving stages. I would like to make a recommendation to some of you that like to read and REALLY want to forgive.

The first book is called “Reduce Me To Love” by Joyce Meyers. You can buy both books on ebay or any other book retailer.

The second book you should read is called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers.

For some reason, I have been abused, hurt, cheated on, lied on, you name it throughout my life and both of these books have been substantial in my gaining freedom in forgiveness.

I do hope you’ll get and read the books. I know how hard it is to get through things that have happened and there is a freedom from it!

June 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm
(89) Jade says:

My husband had an emotional affair last year, though he doesn’t think it was an emotional affair. His ex-girlfriend when he was 16 found him on facebook and they instantly began a month and a half of nonstop chatting on FB, calling each other, and face timing each other. She is married, too. He told me that he felt free to speak to her about anything and everything that was on his mind. He felt he couldn’t do that with me. She brought back a lot of emotions for him and they discussed everything of their past together, even the sexual details of it. He said speaking to her brought him nostalgia of a time they had together. She flirted with him, without shame, but he made excuses that that was the way she was. She wanted him to meet her husband and children and he wanted her to meet me and our two children as well. I said NO because, that would have played out horribly in my face. He wanted us to be friends and that he wished that both of us would get to know and understand him better…WTF!!!!!!! I understand that that was his first love, his first real girlfriend, but he has a wife and two children now. He wants me to see it as a learning experience and that it was nothing to him and she will always be his friend. If there was nothing going on, then why did her husband ask her to cut ties with him as well?!! Anyways, I have difficulty forgiving him and moving on. This was really traumatic for me. He has not been the same as when he spoke to her in his actions and demeanor. He will always place her, not matter what he says, before anyone. They no longer have communication, that I know of, but I cannot forget that. I try and I try, but HOW????? He says that I should stop being mad at both of them and that we need to go on fresh, but how? It is SO difficult to trust him again at all because of the way of how traumatic this was for me. Anyone has any thoughts?

June 11, 2012 at 1:06 am
(90) Mia says:

I have been with my husband 7 years and only one year married. He recently moved to his brothers house, because my teenage daughter( from previous relationship) was acting out. My husband comes home to me almost everyday. He spends maybe 1-2 nights a week at his brothers. My husband and I had a money discussion Friday. Which led to a argument. He went out to dinner and the bar with a woman. He also works with this woman. I confronted him and asked if he was having a affair. He said no that he had only kissed her but not had sex. He also said it was a one night thing, because he believed I was going to divorce him. He asked me to forgive him and please let him come home and he would spend his life trying to make it up. Should I forgive him?He sounded like he wanted to cry when he said this. It was a different person and the phone. Need some advise.

June 21, 2012 at 4:25 am
(91) bint says:

Oh my lordy Messiah, I GOT hurb BACK. Im so excited, It only took 1 weeks for him to come home. bless divinity and bless goodwill of Dr. Messiah. i must be dremin as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. thank him thank the great temple from the bottom of my heart.

July 7, 2012 at 7:36 am
(92) girl says:

forgiveness… trying to forget the bad thing that other people did unto you.. but what if me can’t do this, my husband and our friend betrayed me. i caught them three times, before that i felt that something was different from my husband…i asked him but he denied. i also suspected about the girl but he told me that it was impossible because she was our friend. i looked for my evidence against them, then on our 2nd child bday i caught him texting the girl, we argued several times but still he did not admit it. i attempted suicide many times. on the second and third infidelity they did to me were caught by celfon and facebook. up to now what they did to me was still hurting inside my heart. i haven’t told my parents and relatives to maintain the respect and admiration they have for my husband. my in-laws were the ones who knew all. i don’t know if i could stay longer in this kind of relationship i always ask him for space for us to realize if we really love each other but he doesn’t want us to separate. he is trying to make me believe that their relationship has ended up. but i don’t trust him and i don’t want to feel the hurt again that they caused me. he is still in love with me but i’m not sure with my feelings.

July 8, 2012 at 3:47 am
(93) End Of My Rope says:

I have been married now for 3 1/2 years to a beautiful woman that I so honestly waited and prayed for. Despite our differences, I love this woman with all my heart. We had issues from the start when we first got married but that’s normal due to learning one another.I work shift work (14-16 hours) for the military. I painted the worst picture of the military to her before getting married to ensure this was a lifestyle she could adapt to and she fully accepted it. She is a great woman but always reminds me of other men from her past. She makes remarks on how they knew how to treat a woman, they are great men, and constantly reminded me of how bad a husband I am. Even in our own bed, I was told how much of a bad husband I am and how another man is better than me. I am a very quiet, kind person and I get upset at having this trait because people take advantage of it. am trying with all my heart to be patient and loving but it’s hard.

July 8, 2012 at 3:48 am
(94) End Of My Rope says:

She left me without me even having any say in the matter. It’s a decision her and her mother decided. Her and her mother are closer than close. It’s great but harmful when it comes to us. While away, she constantly accused me of having someone else when that was nowhere near being true. She once told me that a friend from church told her that I didn’t sound like a man that wanted to work on his marriage. I responded and called her out by saying who is he? If he was truly a born again believer, he wouldn’t make such a remark unless he is trying to get with you. She denied it but I knew in my heart. After 5 months away from me, she decided to come back. It was shaky but it was exciting to know that we were going to try fixing things. After being back a month, we played it cool. There was tension but that was to be expected. Finally after a month of being back, I found out. I woke up one morning and noticed she left her facebook page up. I looked and saw that during her time away she had an ongoing relationship with an old boyfriend. Furthermore, she still was reaching out to him after coming back home to me. I was pissed. I called him and apologized to him because if I had been anywhere near him I honestly would have killed him. He denied it but that was evident. I told her to get her stuff and get out. She hasn’t worked since we have been married and I take care of everything. I even had a part/full time second job to handle all of our financial matters. She only had to allow me to love her and that’s it. That’s simple. I feel like such a fool for getting involved with this woman because she is the most unappreciative person in the world. I want out but my spirit won’t let me say the words.

July 8, 2012 at 3:49 am
(95) End Of My Rope says:

She has constantly threatened to leave and has spent several nights away from home. I guess I was suppose to come looking for her but I am married. I am not raising a teenager. I shouldn’t have to raise a child in my marriage. I am so depressed and counseling did not help. What am I to do? My health is getting worse. My body has aches and pains all the time due to stress. I have to find relief. My faith is almost ruined. I am trying but no success so far. The ounce of faith I have is keeping me. She left again and I agreed because I am tired of trying to hold someone in something they don’t truly want to be in. What should I do? What should I do?

July 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm
(96) Lynnsie says:

People, stop hurting and have revenge sex. It works. If not then end the marriage. But give revenge sex a try. It evens the score in your mind , hurts your cheating spouse. If it doesn’t hurt them the you know the marriage is over. After you both are equally hurt then maybe you can start over. But the message sent is that you are not better than I am. We will be equal. I’m not your doormat.

July 19, 2012 at 10:09 pm
(97) BR says:

To everyone who has made a comment on this page as well as any supportive info that helps with bad situations and specifically to Wayne’s comment, this is where my very exhausting, stressful, and very long journey began in understanding something that was for me nearly impossible to see. Unfortunately as well as fortunately my journey is not quite over yet.

For Wayne and anyone else, I know this may be too late for you but about your comment I have and am still going down the exact same road but/a slight difference. I don’t know what your complete situation was but everything you describe has been very familiar to a certain point. But for me and my wife’s situation it really has made no sense. We went to a marriage councilor for 2 months and she withdrew. My wife expressed her unhappiness with me time and time again for over 6 months even when I had done a complete 180. But my wife also often says she is confused about her feelings and her unhappiness. It is that statement which always seems to stand out from everything. Why would somebody be so confused about what they’re unhappy with for so long. She really is having trouble trying to make sense of her unhappiness. And we now are living apart and she is trying to figure out that confusion. I have just learned something recently and I realize now she will never understand or figure this out completely. And that is because…
Forgiveness is needed here yes but not specifically to me. This has been an extremely hard monster to find and identify. But I now have finally found it.
BETRAYAL TRAUMA! …continue on next comment

July 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm
(98) BR says:

Anger is the key. Anything done even on the slightest level that resembles betrayal even a little can trigger it. The result is EXTREME ANGER. The person is not aware of or even able to rationalize properly and doesn’t really understand why they are so angry. It only gets worse with the person who they are directing it at even if the person did not do anything that extremely wrong. It is a cycle that will repeat itself until the person truly acknowledges it, faces it, and accepts it.
Betrayal trauma is the result of a past traumatic experience where the victim was violated or abused by someone they greatly trusted, (usually a loved one). It is closely related to PTSD which extreme fear is usually the primary emotion involved, where as with BT extreme anger is usually the end result. Years without reporting and support will most likely cause serious damage to a person’s mental and physical health throughout their life.
To Wayne. Everything you described in your comment I found in the betrayal trauma info. I want to thank you again for your comment. I hope and pray it’s not too late for me and my wife. Now I just need to figure out how to fight this dam thing. My wife had told me once before about her bad experiences that happened to her when she was young , but she had also told me it was in the past and that she was ok. I wanted to ask her more about it but never did bc I didn’t want to push. God, I regret that. But now I just need to figure out how to approach her about this. I am going to talk to a crisis councilor about it first. I don’t want her to hate me for trying to help fix this bc she doesn’t even realize what’s happening to her…continue on next comment

July 19, 2012 at 10:17 pm
(99) BR says:

We have been married for 4 years now. And I absolutely love my wife and I would never hurt her in any way for her to feel like this. I hope she will eventually see that. I would fight her demons for her if I could but I know I can’t. I will inform her of what has been happing to her and offer my support but in the end she must make that choice to help herself.
Whether you divorce me or not as your husband I promised to honor and respect you, be by your side through sickness and in health, protect and take care of you and calm your fears when you need me to and most of all I will always love you. I just want you to be ok and not be tormented anymore. Please GOD let my wife realize and get help after that if she really needs me to I will walk away from our marriage, AMEN.
I hope this will help others. One last thing after doing my research for almost six months, you should know that in this country alone it has been recorded for the number of women severely victimized in some way or another before they are adults is very close to an epidemic amount. In your life alone over half the women you meet will most likely have been victims and were severely traumatized one time or another before, but you won’t know it. For any relationship, (friends, dating, or marriage) you can actually get general information on a range of what is considered different normal social behaviors and what is not as well as info on individual personality behaviors…use your computer for more than Facebook, and don’t be stupid and paranoid when concerned about someone you care about in your life, just BE AWARE AND A LITTLE MORE INFORMED.

August 2, 2012 at 8:04 am
(100) TLO says:

I dont know where to start! Its been 2 weeks since ifound out my husband of 10yrs together for 15yrs has been having an affair with another woman for 4yrs! Its like i’m living in a cloud and about to fall any min. How can a man i knew since high school and the only man i knew physically lie to my face for so many years. We have 3 kids and he was seeing this woman since my 2nd was 4. In this time we had our 3rd child. I have been calling this woman constantly because i want her to suffer in some way. I love my husband alot, i HATE woman that think they can just walk in and take away what has been yours for so long, for what you have worked so hard to maintain. I found a message on his fone, a long conversion between them where he tells her he loves her. When i confronted him it got very ugly, i ranted and raved and all he did was look at me like an idiot. I was at a point where i wanted to run him over with the car. He didnt even look sorry, i cried for days on end and didnt eat much. Since then we talked and it seems issues from our past as made him feel resentment again me and God only knows made him go to her. She is not a good looking woman so i couldnt even understand that. I need some advise from others on this, their affair went on for 4yrs, according to him it was off and on. What if he goes back to her even if i try to give it my 100% effort? This a relationship and i do take responsibilty for some of the mistakes in our marriage

August 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm
(101) Lisa says:

Hi there!! I just want to say how can I forgive my husband. I have been married for 13.He hasnt talked to me in 3 years. So he decided to talk to some women on the internet and send them money over seas . His excuse was that he couldnt talk to me. I have all the receipts and emails going back and forth, and phone calls. So I left and filed for a divorce. I left for 6 months and is now back with him. How can I trust him again. Im finding it very hard to trust him with money and other things. The bitterness wont go away and I keep thing about all the emotional stuff I have been through too.

August 4, 2012 at 5:24 am
(102) Rivers girl 1 says:

I was married thirty years when I discovered the affair. We were soul mates and I always believed we would grow old together. Life though presents you with many challenges. In our case it was bereavements. I lost my mum and two brothers in the space of six years. My husband was an incredible support and his help enabled me and our family to deal with the terrible losses. But then when my young nephew was tragically drowned my husband it seems could take no more. He turned to the Internet for solace and quickly connected with a woman who was advertising herself on one of the many sites that now cater for married people who are looking for fulfilment outside of their marriages. The thing was short lived but they did meet and have sex a few times before I discovered it. 
I know i have wasted too much time and energy obsessing about the other woman and she is soooo not worth it. A serial adulterer who was clearly so very unhappy with her own life that for a brief moment in time she snatched a bit of mine. Really not worth another thought. 
The physical and emotional impact of that discovery that day have been eloquently described on this site by others so I will not comment further except to say that I thought at first and then wished later that I had died rather than live with the knowledge that the man I loved and trusted more than any other could do such a thing to myself and our wonderful children. 
In the aftermath of the discovery he offered many excuses; he talked about the bereavements somehow changing the essence of me; he blamed the time I was spending supporting my sister in law and brother through their loss and he said that he wanted some happiness for himself.

August 4, 2012 at 5:27 am
(103) Rivers girl 2 says:

The time since has been like living in hell with occasional glimpses of heaven when I remind myself how much I love my husband; how much he loves me and how intrinsically good he really is. The simple fact is that sometimes bad things happen to good people and none of us know how we would react when a unique set of circumstances come together to challenge us. 
As I write this I am aware that it might sound as if I have forgiven my husband but it certainly doesn’t feel that way yet. We are two years on now and although we have made great progress are communicating better and we both believe we are meant to be together the demons remain. 
The answer I think really is time. It does heal. It gives us the distance we need to stand back and view the issue with less pain in our hearts. I will always be heartsick that he did such a thing but I also know that he feels exactly the same and would do anything to change that tiny part of our past. As time passes I try hard to focus on the majority of our marriage rather on that brief reaction to a traumatic event.   
I suppose forgiveness is a process of letting go and being able to leave behind the hurt, the blame and the anger. I know I am some way along that road now and hope that wherever you are on your road you are able to find some sort of peace in the end. 

August 10, 2012 at 7:43 pm
(104) Wtf says:

My wife never awnsers her phone. Goes out with freands late a lot. Changed her passwords on all her email Facebook typ acc. Is on facebook to all hours. Seen she’s Ben watching porn on our search history. She’s moody and cold as hell. Really only nice when she wants something. And when someone calls late she always says its a a 800 number or a freand and don’t want to talk. And delets all her text messages. And always has surprising app around 5 or 6 pm. Guess I just needed to typ it out to see. What do you guys think?

August 29, 2012 at 11:27 am
(105) amazed says:

Its funny to read that I am not the only one in this situation. I have only been married for 3 years together for 4. It has been hell since the get go. If its not fighting with my family over him its fighting with his family. Not to mention all the fighting between us. Everything needs to be his way or no way. Whenever my phone rings he needs to know who it is or even if I am on the phone wiwth a family member he needs to know all the details of the conversation. We have children from previous relationships and it has now come out the my children are not important to him nor does he even want them around, but with his child I need to make sure I am 100% attentive to her. Every arguement results in insults and put downs towards me that has now put me in a state that I really don’t like myself. When I try to communicate with him he gets upset and shuts me down before I can get resolution to the matter. There is so much more to type but not enough space. So here is my question….When is enough enough? If it is one sided when do you walk and start over?

September 12, 2012 at 11:08 am
(106) Jeremy says:

My wife cheated on me recently with her ex boyfriend from HS. We have been married for 10 years. I recently let her go home with our kids to visit her family but I couldnt go because of work (military). When she came back she was more distant than before she left. I invaded her privacy and read messages to him saying some gross and disgusting stuff about them and me. I still love her with all my heart and want to work on it but I can’t seem to get pass the thought of them having been together and to make matters worse I’m still deeply in love and attracted to her. She doesn’t know why she said or did those things. We going to a counslor but does anyone who’s been in my shoes having any advice to deal with this?

September 18, 2012 at 9:29 am
(107) MT says:

We have been stayed together for 4 years but not yet merried with one child (son 3yrs). My husband he is always moody and he is emotionally and physically abusive. He accused me all the time. Sometimes we fight to hell. He doesnt mind to report me to his family. He always tells me that he will never marry me. But I do love him, we recently had a fight and I broke TV. I asked him for forgiveness and promise to buy new TV, but he doesn’t want me to buy TV because he want his broken TV. He slaped me to hell and I even went to see a doctor. My body was paining for a week and my hand was broken, but I still do washing, cleaning and Ironing for him. I love him but he dont want to forgive me about his broken TV. And Im sure that he dont want me anymore but I still love him. I dont know what can I do.

September 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm
(108) Sheri says:

Please seek help. Staying with this man could end your life. Here’s help about dealing with domestic violence in New Zealand.


Take care,

January 18, 2013 at 6:39 pm
(109) shell says:

Hi everyone. I have been with my fella for 14yrs ..2yrs ago i found out i had an sti, not knowing much about sti i was in shock. At the time i had a coil…now when i told him what we had(sti) he went mad n said that it was me i was a dirty *** spat on n all sorts …anyway i didn’t want to believe he would ever cheat ..convinced myself it was the coil. Crazy time cuz i know i never ever cheated! But at the same time i never accused him. Though now obviously i know its him. But its a taboo n he’s never admitted it n i don’t say anything …but cry some nights k

January 28, 2013 at 9:15 am
(110) Naa says:

how do you forget or to forgive if the person has a child with that person and would snect to visit the person without your knowledge. and what is more painful is that your partner keep on hidding things frm you the wife and would not let you know his mind.

February 4, 2013 at 3:58 am
(111) BR says:

Well here I am 6 months since I wrote the last statement 97-99. And now me and my wife will be getting a divorce. There really is no point in letting myself feel bad about it bc the truth is my marriage was over before it even started I just didn’t know it. Of course I do feel bad. my wife, (with no ill will in saying this) is uncable of being in a married or any tusted relationship. Sounds harsh I know but if you knew all the stuff that I know within and before my marriage than maybe you could understand. If you read my last statement (post 97-99) it will help understand with what im about to say bc everything still stands from that statement. I guess now i just thought i should share my conclusion hope it will help someone. First let me say that my marriage could have been fixed if i had the knowledge i have now just a couple years sooner. My wife and I have known each other for almost 10 years. we were friends for 2, dated for a year and 1/2, and been married for 4 1/2 years. During that time I have seen my wife have situations where extreme parrinoia with terrifying fear came about when the rationality behind each time did not make sense or support this effect, (similar to what you see with PTSD, a trigger). during that time i have seen her become extremely enraged and violent when again the rationality behind each time did not make sense or support this effect(I can tell you that my wife by nature is not a violent person). i have been with her long enough to see her memories of many different situations have become greatly distorted and continously changing to where you would think she was lieing but she really believes herself to be telling the truth (in all of these distorted memories she seems to places herself as a victom). My wife has disassotiated to an extreme in so many situations. (when a preson disassotiates to an extreme on a regular basis this is usually a symptom of trauma)…continue on next statement

February 27, 2013 at 12:51 am
(112) Sad and sadder says:

It is awful that in such a beautiful world where every day is a gift that there is so much pain. When I married my hubby I knew that he had ghosts in his closet but I had no idea that any of them would hurt me. I tried to make up for an abusive childhood. I get up at 6 every morning and make him breakfast and lunch for his work. Then I get the 2 scool aged kids ready 4 school( other 2 not in school yet) I found out when I used his phone to research how to get rid of fruit flies naturally that he was “checking out porn. He told me to get over it. We have been married 13 years and he always acted like that he didn’t like porn. I found out that later he had signed up for online dating . He now wears his wedding ring all the time and wants to move ahead. I have a hard time forgetting. I used to think that what we had was special. Apparently I was the only one.

March 15, 2013 at 12:58 pm
(113) josef says:

I agree forgivness is very good for healthy life but I can’t understand what shall I do when I have to forgive all of my life … without any change in my wife’s behaviour. she do mistakes and I do forgive ! what do you think? how long can I do this ? Is it right way? do you agree? I can’t understand!!

April 1, 2013 at 9:52 am
(114) stranger says:

I have for previous years been dealing with my anger and actions. Never have I been physical with him or him with me, but I yell and slam doors and punch walls and kick stuff out of my way. And usually when I did those actions I had been drinking. The next day and weeks after I would feel awful and remorseful and he would then tell me to stop beating myself up about it and that he forgives me. He did that for countless arguements until one day I had done it in public and this time I did push him and witnesses called police and I was charged by the public for assult. At this time I also screamed out a really deep and big secret to his friends and I publically humiliated him. After the court hearings I went to a program that is designed for first offenders to learn signs of aggression and abuse.

April 1, 2013 at 9:54 am
(115) stranger says:

After going to personal counciling and attending anger managment classes, he cheats on me and tells me he had built up revenge. I accept my mistake for what I did. I proved to him and continue proving to him that i will not let drinking get in the mix with my emotions and that when I am faced with a bad position with anger, I am trying my best. I hope now that we have had a deep descussion he will try his best to be more open with me when he is really upset at things and to be honest with me and to not talk about or do things that would hurt me. The plus of this is that i believe it in my heart that he is sorry and I think the only reason why I believe it is because I don’t hate him. I just hate that this happened. He tells me that I am everything he wants in his future and that we will have a bright and happy future when we get through this. I am trying to look for an easy road to this. After reading these comments and a few articles about “forgiving” and “coping with your spouse cheating” I read and see other couples in this world DO forgive and have healthy relationships after. Like i mentioned, I am still young and we have so many memories to still create. I pray that whatever deamons are haunting this relationship to burn in the fires of doom. I pray that forgiveness stays in my heart.

May 26, 2013 at 12:08 pm
(116) concerned says:

I made a horrible mistske while drninking and gave boyfriend of 6 years blackeye and begging for his forgiveness? Should I get a second chance?

May 26, 2013 at 4:16 pm
(117) Sheri says:

Concerned (116)

I do believe in second chances — except in the case of child abuse or domestic violence.

I think you need to stop drinking and get anger management counseling. Then, if your hitting your boyfriend was an isolated, one time thing, your boyfriend can make a decision as to whether to give you a second chance.

Thanks for writing and take care,

August 3, 2013 at 2:09 am
(118) Brent says:

I found out 2 months ago my wife of 13 years met a man online from another state and met him for coffee then met him at a hotel a few weeks late and had an affair. We have 4 children between the two of us and have been going to counseling since the incident. I have not been the best husband with working all the time and I have controlling issues that have led to emotional abuse that I have learned in counseling. I am working very hard on my issues trying to make myself a better person but I feel my wife has checked out of the relationship. At first she was very sorry begging for forgiveness and knowing my wife this was so out of character for her. Now she shows anger and resentment towards me and I feel like I am the one doing most of the leg work to save our marriage. This makes it hard to forgive her when she is unwilling to forget the past and to attempt to forgive me for my controlling ways. I am so confused on whether to give up on our marriage, family, and her. I love her dearly and she has caused me great pain and do not want to cause our children pain. Some days I see signs of hope then they are quickly trampled by her anger towards me. I’m a mess.

October 13, 2013 at 3:21 am

My story is different, it has a crazy twist to infidelity. My husband and I have been married for 19 years now this September and with 4 kids. My whole world came tumbling down on April 10 when I found his cell phone. well to make a long story short he claims he was talking to this girl because he asked her to say they were together so I can leave him. he claims he was only doing that because he thought that’s what I wanted. so he was making it easy for me. that’s a bunch of bs! he was talking and texting this tweeker by the way for 10 days. he claims it was all made up. “because he was thinking about me” really!!! I don’t know what to do. leave him or stay? how can I forgive some one who intentionally meant to hurt me?

November 18, 2013 at 8:25 am
(120) Lorraine says:

My husband spends a lot of time with his ex and the kids especially weekends and comes home midnite and am. He claims commitment to our marriage and any time the ex and the kids calls he jumps. The ex kids are older than ours. He’s been saying he’ll change and spends more time at home. He left our home six weeks after the wedding and stayed at ex for 14 months but was coming home daily leaving on average after 8pm and said he does not understand why he goes there. He claimed and still does no intimate relationship with ex. He is not keen for councilling and the whole situation is affecting me and my kids and currently considering divorce. I asked him to move out but refusing.

November 29, 2013 at 6:57 am
(121) more says:

I have a confident analytical vision for detail and may anticipate complications before they will take place.

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