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Additional Comments from Wives About Low Male Libido

A Husband's Lack of Interest in Sex Creates Painful Consequences

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Erectile Dysfunction
Photo: Peter Cade / Getty Images
  • "The rejection is the worst part. Or is it the kindness that's the worst part? Sometimes I wish he would do something that I could be angry about, other than the hurt of rejection. It's the niceness, the politeness, the honest love my husband shows that makes this so difficult. When he does wonderful things it makes me feel guilty for wanting more."

  • "My husband would be totally happy if I never came to him for sex and he doesn't like to talk about how much it bothers me. He just says he is sorry! I love my husband very much and I feel that if the shoe were on the other foot I would do what ever it took to make things right between us. I would never want him to feel the way I do right now. I feel if he truly cared about my feelings, he would help work this out because it really hurts when he turns me away!"

  • "Most men don't want to admit they have a problem. I think either they have it in them or they don't. You can scream blue murder or swing from the chandelier, when his libido is gone, it's gone. But I guess one has to go on trying before taking any drastic steps."

  • "I also wanted to bring up the emotional strain of being the 'sex driven' partner. Even if the problem is medical or hormonal or whatever else, you still get a feeling of self doubt and insecurities like why don't they find me attractive any more etc. These can eat away at you and your relationship big time!"

  • "It's a big part of life to be missing. I am facing the fact of our differences, but it's so sad, so very very sad, because I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. I know he does, but I just can't live that way. It hurts too much. It's too sad. It began to just spill out and poison other parts of our really good relationship. Now there is almost nothing left. I feel nothing. But I still love me. I still have me."

  • "When i express my love in the way I want to, I begin to feel empty and rejected after a while. When I notice that no love is coming back to me sadness, confusion, and rejection set in, then a deep dark desolate loneliness. I got to where i just couldn't tolerate the pain any more. Worse was the realization that I guess it wasn't so great for him or he'd do it more, or he didn't really love me, or I was too fat, too skinny, not pretty enough, smelled bad, looked bad. Something must be wrong with me. In other words, I would begin to not like me, to feel something was wrong with me. But there isn't anything wrong with me. I know that. Being with him was causing me to not like myself. When I realized that, I had to decide if it was worth it. "

  • "Dr. Phil said that anytime a spouse withholds from his partner something, anything, that he knows she wants, it is an act of aggression, in a passive way, towards that spouse. The issue is not the gift-giving at all, it's something else. There is some reason why the man feels aggression (anger, really) toward the woman. I don't exactly know why, but that really validated me. I mean, I guess I sort of knew this, but to hear another person, knowledgeable and respected person, say this, as emphatically as he did, well, it really brought it home to me."
Many thanks to the participants of the Marriage Forum who so openly share their feelings and thoughts with one another.

 

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