Advice to Newlywed Couples

BEING WITH ONE ANOTHER

• Don't believe what anyone tells you about what to expect about marriage, or about being a husband or a wife. Be your own true self, and allow your spouse to do the same. Then love each other's true self, not your image of each other. Nancy

• Life will get stressful. It always does. Commit to making time to do pleasurable things together. Think of each pleasant experience as a deposit in a bank, which you can draw on during stressful times. Also remember that as you become used to one another, you will both enjoy occasional time alone. This is normal. Jane

• Never be afraid to love too much.. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

  You may be one "couple", but you are still two "individuals". Allow each other the freedom to be who you truly are.

  Actions truly do speak louder than words; Don't just tell your partner of your love, show it!

  Honesty, always.. but, not as a weapon or to cause excessive hurt.

  Be open.. to compromise, to suggestions, to experiencing new things. A marriage must evolve to survive.

  Never seek marital counsel from someone who you know dislikes your spouse. Any advice they contribute will only be self-serving.

  We are all human, fallible. Show a pattern of understanding and compassion within your marriage, so that if necessary, your spouse will be more likely to confess any wrongdoings.

  And, above all else, never threaten divorce as a way to control or manipulate your spouse into "giving in". Divorce, even the idea of it, should be a last resort. Bren

• Don't do "what if's", they are counter productive. Learn from mistakes and move ahead. Trying to determine what might have happened IF you had only....accomplishes nothing. You are who you are because of the decisions you made in the past. That someone is the person your spouse fell in love with.

  Whenever you are sad, hurt or angry it's time to apply the 10 year rule. Will this still matter in 10 years? If it will (moral, legal, etc), then deal with it. If not (dress mode, choice of tv show, music/sports, etc.), then let it drop. Life is truly too short. NOTE: This works equally well for family, friends and co-workers. Donna Yeaw

• At least once a week, use the fine china and crystal (don't just leave those things sitting in the cabinet unused!) - even if you are only having pizza. Have a candlelit dinner. Turn off the phone and the television. Don't plan it though, surprise your spouse. It makes a nice, romantic surprise - and it makes each other feel special. The key here is to do something that makes the other feel special, and to be spontaneous and romantic. TurnipGreen