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Is a Second Time Around Realistic?

Help for Couples Who Remarry One Another


Couple hugging in park
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If you and your ex-spouse are considering getting back together, remember three things:
  • The statistics are against you.
  • Take things slowly.
  • See a marriage counselor and take a marriage education course.

Statistics Against Remarrying

Statistics are against couples who remarry one another. More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages.
Psychology Today stated that "... a whopping 60% of remarriages fail. And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages."

Help for Making Your Second Time Around Together Successful

If you are thinking about remarrying your former spouse, here are some suggestions to improve your chances of having a successful second marriage to one another:
  • Getting back together just for the sake of the kids isn't a good idea. Get back together because you love one another and want to be together again.
  • If you have children, don't let them know the two of you are dating one another again for awhile. They could get their hopes up that the two of you will reconcile and this could put more pressure on you to reconcile even if things are not going as well between the two of you as you would like.
  • See a marriage counselor. Learn from your own marital history or the two of you are doomed to repeat it. Unresolved unfinished business will resurface the second time around.
  • Honestly look at what caused your divorce. If it was finances, be clear on how you will spend money. If it was about parenting issues, work this conflict out first. If it was due to infidelity, forgive, but both of you should be tested for STDs.
  • Admit to your role and responsibility in what went wrong in your first marriage to one another.
  • Take a marriage communications course together.
  • Keep things honest between the two of you. No game playing. No mind reading attempts. No unspoken expectations. Share with one another your expectations, hopes and dreams.
  • It is important to recognize that the first marriage is dead. Don't let that ghost hurt your new marriage.
  • Don't be afraid to confront past issues that caused conflict between the two of you.
  • Don't dwell on your mistakes. Focus on your future together.
  • Remember, it takes time to rebuild trust.

Developing trust and making a marriage work after a divorce requires a strong commitment to the relationship by both of you. Again, don't rush into a second marriage with your ex-spouse. Take time to understand your relationship and one another more fully.

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