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How to Talk about Sexual Problems

Key to Great Sex is Communication


Lying in Bed Together
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Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages end today because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. We've noticed that sex is the number one problem discussed on our Marriage Forum.

It has been said that "Good lovers are made, not born." If you truly want your sexual relationship to be all that it can be, take time to talk with one another. Communication is the key to great sex. This conversation is necessary for all couples -- whether you are newlyweds or older, long married couples.

When To Talk and Things to Discuss

  • Don't talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime.
  • Don't blindside your spouse. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your spouse know (without placing blame) that you think the two of you need to have a talk about your sexual intimacy. Set up a time to have the talk.
    More tips on having THE talk
  • If you don't want to create more problems in your sex life, don't purchase any sex advice books without discussing the issue with your spouse first.
    Tips on Buying Sex Advice Books
  • Talk with one another about your expectations, your fears, your desires, your concerns, and be honest! Don't be afraid to talk about what you like sexually and what you don't like.
  • Talk with one another about these sexual styles. All couples have all of these styles or moods at some time in their married lives.
    • Spiritual: This is a union of mind, body and soul that reflects your deep appreciation of being with one another. It can be created by noticing the small moments in your lives.
    • Funny: This style is when you can laugh and tease one another in bed. It's having fun together.
    • Angry: This is making love even when you're ticked off at each other. This style can be healing. But be sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved.
    • Lusty: This style is the wicked and flirty looks at one another, the quickies, the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex.
    • Tender: This style is the gentle, romantic, healing sex that involves massages, light touches, and ministering to one another.
    • Fantasy: The fantasy style is a collaboration between the two of you to be daring and to experiment a bit. Be careful about sharing your personal sexual fantasies with one another. If you do decide to share your fantasies with your spouse, the two of you need to set guidelines and honor each other's limits.

Sexuality in marriage is a great gift and a gift to be enjoyed and nurtured.

More on Sex and Communication in Marriage

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