"The Lazy Husband"

How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

by Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Publisher is St. Martin's Press.

In "The Lazy Husband", Joshua Coleman offers practical examples for wives who are struggling with a husband who won't do his share of chores around the house.

The author's wife at one point said in effect, "Game is over. I am no longer pulling both my weight and yours in this household." It was a wake-up call to being willing to take greater participation in their household responsibilities.

The author uses examples of couples working through his suggestions that are provided in this no-nagging guide to achieving a more balanced marriage relationship.

Being a man, he targets how men think and ways to motivate them. He also is aware of how women feel when men don't do their fair share around the house. Women often feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, or feeling they are doing more than what is fair.

Boy-Husband: "This husband wants to be taken care of and pretends to be incompetent around the house." He can be one more child to take care of.

Perfectionist Husband: "This husband wants the house and the kids to be perfect but doesn't want to do the work himself."

The Angry Husband: "This husband keeps his wife at bay with his irritability, anger, or intimidation."

These husbands needs to experience the natural consequences of their decisions or lack of responsibility. Quit covering for him. Quit accepting their excuses. If you think your husband could have ADD, suggest that he contact his doctor for medication and treatment.

"I earn more than you and therefore shouldn't have to to anything when I get home."

"I'm too tired to help."

"I don't know how."

"I contribute in other ways. I shouldn't have to do both."

Believing that a happy marriage is a balanced marriage, Dr. Coleman gives wives his Principles for the Lazy Husband Campaign:

• A healthy sense of entitlement

• An expectation of change and cooperation (even when it's not immediately forthcoming)

• A commitment to appreciate whatever it is that he's doing right in the marriage

• A feeling of acceptance and compassion for who he is, regardless of whether he changes quickly or not.

One suggestion for coping with a lazy husband is to eliminate some of the chores around the house such as:

• Simplify meals.

• Clean your house less frequently and less thoroughly.

• Don't bathe the kids every single day.

• Encourage your kids to do more chores, too.

Bottom Line

Any wife who wants to have her husband share in the responsibility of taking care of their home needs to assert herself, communicate clearly with her husband, and work with him to create a united, planned approach to getting chores done. Any man who is interested in having a healthy relationship with his wife will take the time to read this book with her.