Yvan Lebrock (Photographer)Doubleday , Jan. 1998
Love Without Boundaries, Preconceptions, and Myths
I was surprised at how much criticism marriage and the nuclear family received from Kingma. She says that marriage comes from a "primal need for survival and of our social need to be gathered and protected." As a result, marriage "often suffocates the individual vivid soul." Yes, I know that 50% of marriages end in divorce. But does that make marriage a myth?
Marriage Model for the Next Millennium
She says, "relationships are always re-forming, changing, redefining themselves; work, circumstances, passage of time all profoundly affect our relationships. So do our emotions." I can't disagree with that, but why does that mean that marriage needs to be redefined?
Her new model for the next millennium in The Future of Love is based on her assumption that the new modes of relating that she describes represent opportunities for growth. She recommends that marriages not be saved, but rather "expanded." In the future, marriage won't die; it will be exhaulted because couples will be invited to make it a sanctified commitment to one another rather than a "socially sanctioned habit." I thought that was what most couples already do when they get married.
Seven Stages of Intimate Relationships
Relationship Qualities
Her chapter on ending a relationship with grace is very good. The four steps ranging from acknowledgement to completion aren't easy to carry out, but necessary for a healthy new beginning.
Another section I liked was on qualities that can and should be present in all kinds of relationships. These qualities are self-awareness, aliveness, realism, honesty, generosity, empathy, forgiveness, thanksgiving, consecration and joy.
The Future of Love can be helpful to those who are having self-doubts because of perceived failed relationships. It can be a guide for those seeking new relationships. It can be a communication tool for those in long term relationships. I believe she hit the nail on the head when she suggests that instead of reacting to something or someone, we should explore. Instead of judging others, we should be curious.
