What to Do When Your Spouse Refuses to See a Doctor

It is very frustrating and worrisome when a spouse does not have the motivation to take care of their health needs, and it can begin to impact your marriage. And, while it may be obvious to you that your spouse needs to see a doctor, it might not be obvious to them.

This problem is more common for wives as men can be particularly stubborn about seeing doctors. Perhaps they see going to the doctor as a sign of weakness, or they are healthy and don't need the doctor. Women are also more accustomed to seeing doctors regularly, such as the OB/GYN, so often do not exhibit this behavior.

Reasons People Refuse to See a Doctor

There are many reasons someone may refuse to see a doctor, both rational and irrational. Some of them include:

• Believe their problem will go away on its own
• Fear what the doctor will say
• Believe they are too busy and do not have time to be sick
• Experience stress from the medical experience
• Do not want to incur expenses from medical care
• Feel embarrassed about the illness or medical condition
• Do not want to be viewed as weak
• Fear painful medical procedures
• Had a bad experience with a doctor, healthcare facility or medical procedure in the past
• Deny their current health status

What You Should Do

If your partner refuses to see a doctor, there are things you can try to make them listen to your suggestion, for example:

• Tell your spouse you are worried. Talk to them about how this refusal of help or treatment has negatively impacted you.
• Accept your role as spouse and not as your spouse's parent. Your spouse is an adult and capable of making personal medical decisions.
• Tell your spouse that you want them to see a doctor because you love them. You can also offer to go with them.
• Ask if you can set up an appointment for your spouse to see a doctor.
• Get professional help in getting your spouse the help that is needed especially if you believe your spouse's refusal to seek medical or psychological care is life-threatening.
• Consider seeing a counselor on your own to help deal with your mixture of feelings. You must take care of yourself and accept your feelings of frustration, anger, etc.

What Not to Do

While it may be difficult to hold your tongue, it is important to not become too involved in your spouse's medical care. Here are some things to avoid when encountering this issue:

• Do not continue to nag
• Do not set up an appointment with a doctor without your spouse's approval
• Do not continue to argue about this issue
• Do not manipulate your spouse into getting help
• Do not threaten to leave the marriage (unless you mean it)

If your spouse is experiencing a psychological issue but refuses to see a doctor, it may be more likely to create distress in a marriage. It is often trickier to address a psychological issue, as the spouse may lack insight into the problem.

If a spouse continues to refuse medical help, starting counseling together may be a productive gateway to your spouse getting help on their own. But, it ultimately boils down to issues of personal responsibility that you may not be able to solve. So, beyond counseling, there unfortunately isn't much more you can do other than share your feelings of concern, fear, and love.