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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 305

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It Does Destroy Relationships

I've been married to my husband for a year and been together for four. I discovered his interest in porn while dating and made it clear it was a deal breaker for me. He said he would stop. After marriage I found out he had become addicted to porn and carried on conversations with prostitutes or have phone sex. I don't understand why. I always wanted to have sex with him and we had it four or fives times a week and now after a year we still have it at least three times a week. I've dressed up is all kinds of sexy costumes and learned how to talk dirty for him and say the things he likes and initiate sex in random places too. But I discovered a few months ago he is still watching porn whenever I'm not in the house. This is after counseling and him saying he will stop. I'm not unattractive either athletic blonde and blue eyes. His constant lies have destroyed my trust in him. I'm so close to asking for a divorce. I don't want to live like this for years or even have with him kids now.
—Guest CC

Impact of Porn in Marriages

Wow, this is a very interesting site! Read something from a woman who feels 'you must be open minded and SATISFY you man'! Are you kidding me! Of course one must have a decent relationship but be here to 'serve and accommodate'. Not so much! I have said on other blogs, I still do not get the fact that men are barbarians when it 'comes' to porn (aka looking at other womens p......)? If anything, I'm angry! We are all adults... Teenage boys of course will jack off as often as possible (I have a brother). But when it comes to marriage.. It's a cop out by men. It's EASY. And for me, it's not acceptable! Grow the F up.
—Guest Kate

It Makes Me Feel Ugly

I knew he had a problem with it before, but he said he would stop. Now that we're married and his porn viewing has reared its ugly head again, I am just sick inside. I know he loves me, but that doesn't change the fact that it makes me feel disgusting. As someone who has struggled with an eating disorders and exercise obsession, this has been detrimental to my mental health. The disorders that I had been over for almost a decade are rearing their ugly head, since I feel fat and ugly, and next to these 17 year old whores. I have a small birthmark, some stretch marks, and my genitals aren't nearly as tiny and perfect at these women's are… I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that's how I feel. When I have children, I'm sure this will only get worse. I can't tell you how much it hurts me. I have no sex drive because I just see images of these women when we start fooling around and I feel so self conscious. It wasn't always like this, I used to be confident and I use to have a thriving sex driv
—Guest Anonymous

By No Means Is Bed Lame

By no means is our sex life lame. We have great sex several times a day. I know he watches porn and recently have felt so discusted by the fact that he does. I have discussed this with him probably not in the best ways but being hurt does that to me . Im not understanding why "I" am not enough . I litteraly do all that he looks at and enjoy it so what reason does he have? I never turn down sex . I went from feeling more comfortable with him than any other man which was a bonus because being comfortable with my body made sex that much better he made me feel gorgeous in bed and out by making me feel so wanted he HAD to have me!! Now seeing that porn is on his mind the second I leave him has me wanting to cover up not be touched and feeling utterly disgusted . Im really good at hiding most but I feel its going to ruin our marriage. I was attracted to him sexually mostly because of the things he said that made me feel different that I was the best but now if he wants to try something bu
—Guest married 6 months

So Jealous ...

I'm so jealous of all these guys that look at porn and have wives who are waiting to have sex with them. The only reason I look at porn is that my wife won't have sex with me very often. It's always something, always some reason to avoid it. I'm 5'10 and 180lbs and take care of myself. I'm not bad looking. She tells me she just doesn't like sex and otherwise our marriage is strong, that's why I stuck with her. She's a good person, she just doesn't like sex. If it wasn't for porn, I would go nuts from lack of any sexual experience. When she has sex with me, I don't look at porn, but it never lasts. Maybe for a week or so we'll get a couple sessions in but inevitably she drifts away. In my case, I think porn helps the marriage work because I know that when she rejects me I have a fall-back that won't.
—Guest -Guest Matt

Why?

I confronted my husband today about watching porn. You guessed it, my fault. I try and try and his response is I try when the kids Are around or family.! Untrue!! I try in bed and he told me never!!!really?? I try and try and never nothing! I'm tired of this. I told him, he does what he does and I'll do what I will do! So I will find someone else! Don't judge either! It's not fair to feel this way. I'm so sad. I love him. If I did or he did I would probablynthrow up. I just want him to feel the same way I do. And where is he right now? In the bedroom watching porn! I want to kill myself!! I hate feeling this way. I will divorce him tomorrow. I can't believe he blames me... When all I want to do is love him on the deepest level.
—Guest Really?

What Porn Does to a Relationship

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Our relationship was wonderful and exciting for the first year and our sex life was always amazing. We did have a talk about porn in the beginning and he said that he hadn't looked at since long before we had dated. He also told me he didn't need it when he had me. Just the other week I went to use his phone and saw in his history, porn. I was heartbroken right there. I get some women are ok with porn but I just can't be. It objectifies women. He also lied right to my face about it and still does. I don't feel good enough now and my insecurities are so much more worse now. It's hard to love someone who doesn't truly want you, I've decided it's time to move on.
—Guest Meg

Cheating?

So, bgleazen, what you're saying is that despite there being no physical or emotional connection, if you feel it, then it must be so? I'm sorry. I just can't see how viewing porn constitutes cheating. Dislike it all you like, and only date or marry individuals who do not view it, but saying something is so, doesn't make it so. And, to address your last point, your husband brought a "technique" to your bed, not another woman. You would have noticed her if he had.
—stevefrat

Men Suck

Men and women were obviously not made for each other. Google 'Coolidge effect" not even if they cheat, but its WHY men lose interest in us once they GET us. Why we are never enough. Women, we are not crazy. We are good enough. Men are hard wired to leave us. But society tells them they must marry us. Its a mans world. Sucks to be a woman
—Guest mensuck

Like a Stab to the Heart

Finding out my husband of 19 years has been viewing porn on his phone devastated me. My husband is another classic example of a man that argues that "you can't cheat with your eyes", or "watching porn isn't cheating". Maybe not to the man doing it, it doesn't feel that way. But we women are emotional creatures, and we tend to be better connected to our feelings. I'd really like to know how many wives truly desensitize themselves to their husbands viewing porn. That, to me, was a huge betrayal. It has given me low self esteem. He thinks I'm angry about it. Well, of course I am, you idiot! However, I'm more hurt than angry. My husband is still very much interested in sex with me. After 19 years of marriage though, and he all of a sudden comes up with a new "technique", I know where it came from. Therefore, he is thinking of that fantasy woman, and brought her into my bed. That sure feels like adultery to me!
—Guest bgleazen

Porn is Ruining My Life

My boyfriend of 2 years is addicted to porn and won't admit it to himself, he tells me I'm crazy and it's my fault he watches it. We had a baby exactly 1 year ago and I still loved having sex after our son. Then I noticed he just wasn't into it, he started telling me it's because I'm not doing something right and he accused me of not being into the sex when I was. Finally I realized what the problem was when I caught him master-bating in the living room while he thought I was asleep the same night we tried to have sex and he wouldn't get off. Now I feel like I'm not good enough and now I'm just too plain disgusted to even touch him because I feel like all he's going to think about is porn stars. It's ruining our relationship, he won't go see a councilor and tells me he doesn't have a problem. How can he not see that the porn ruining our relationship is a problem?! Someone please help me before I lose my mind!!!!!
—Guest Low self esteem

Good 4 U

Go have an affair. As women we will never be good enough for the men who claim 2 love us. Y?? Because the risk of losing us. dosent compare to the whore who will do any sexual favor as long as u pay her phone bill
—Guest Cici88

Only Young Women Accept Porn

When I was young, and "hot", I didnt mind my husband watching porn. BUT it was not on the internet back then, it was not everywhere.. online. Now I am in my fifties. I am no longer HOT. but I am attractive. Yet, to know my boyfriend watches young girls and masturbates, expect me to give him blowjobs like the videos, and yet does NOT go down on me?? I feel men are selfish, and after enough porn, their minds will believe they can only get off to young perfect bodies. My boyfriend takes forever to get off with me, but five minutes on porn! I am hurt, I feel old and unattractive. He doesnt want me in a nightie, instead, he asks me to wear a Tshirt. He clearly does not see me as sexy in any way. I believe he likes sex with me, because he gets a BJ. why do men not understand, if we women would look at HOT men, then we would NOT be interested in their old bodies either. NOT all men, after 50 watch porn. The percentage goes down. Porn has turned me off to my boyfriend. SAD.
—Guest susie

Sick

I am sick and tired of knowing about mf bf watching porn. We have only had sex once in a year. He doesnt see this as a problem. I have triedinitiating but he turns me down or calls me a pervert for wanting sex. I am naturaly shy so I have zero cconfidence now. I am giving him back my engagement ring tonight. I cant take it any more. Its me or porn.
—Guest Lonely

I Was That Husband Who Was Addicted

Hello everyone, I want to let you know that I had been addicted to Internet porn for over 5 years. My wife was devastated when she found out the first time - which was a 2 year addiction - then later she could see the signs again and suspected that I was back into it - which I didn't deny. I wanted help, I would watch porn for hours on end and masturbate 3 times a day looking at naked women who were having sex - fantasizing that I was their partner. Porn creates fantasies - ones that can ruin a marriage - separate families and destroy your self esteem. I was depressed, insecure and wanted to stop for so long. Thankfully, I have a beautiful, loving wife (I know all of you are too) that made me see the way out - I sought counseling and was able to make a full recovery - no more porn. I bought my wife sexy lingerie and our sex life is better than ever- I fantasize about doing it with her in different settings / outfits & positions. Coming up to 21 yrs married....
—Guest Decca

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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