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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 158


Empathy For All Wives

I have been married for 3 years. I am not naïve I know men enjoy porn (as can women) I expected him to use porn but it hurt me & made me feel like he'd cheated in a way. We discussed it & tried to see it from his point of view. I still trust him. I came to the conclusion that it's just a quick route to thinking about sex, it's non person specific, it's masturbation without pressure, this is why it doesn't involve us wives, men can just clear their heads & focus on the act.(of masturbating) They don't have to worry about performing for us. He's my best friend & I adore him. Our sex life is amazing. I am secure in myself. I am liberally minded. I like to please my husband. I like to let him know what I want. I like to try stuff out. I am not doing anything wrong & there's nothing wrong with me. Men using porn is hardwired into them. Talk to them about it, don't be judgemental, be frank & open. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! It actually doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you.
—Guest a wife


Ive been married for one year, and with him for two. The entire time we've been together I've worked and paid all the bills while he sat at home on the phone i paid for, watching porn, and talking to girls on dating sites, and sex sites. I found all of the sites and told all of the girls he was talking to how i supported him, and he was married and if they wanted him to come pick him up because i was tired of him and his lies. I even removed his picture in his files with me in sexy nighties and put some rude comments in his info about him. Girls dropped him pretty quickly as i told them i would remember their faces because they lived in my town, and i would go to jail for beating them down. lol. I am not ugly, or overweight, but his choices have ruined my self asteem. I do try to make an effort and i know ive got it going on in the bedroom, he tells me its too much work, its easier to masturbate..... i do my share, when is sex too much work? desperately looking to dump the loser!
—Guest Tina


My husband does this and when I find it; he turns it around on me and says I am a crazy b***h and I am cheating on him etc. Before we were married; my 7 year old was playing on the computer and his nasty porn pulled up and we both got a view on what he does in his spare time. I should have walk out the door right then and there but here I am and now my daughter and I have to start all over again and over someones sick his porn sights! They are sick and degrading to a wife or girlfriend should ever have to put up with it!!!! He has cheated on his family; not only me but my daughter too. I sure hope he has a good time because I know he isnt having sex with me his wife.....
—Guest martinez

I Hate Myself

I can't stop looking at porn. Even now as I type, I have another tab open with porn on it. It is hurting my family and my job. Its making me vastly less productive. I can't imagine if my wife finds out I've been looking again. She found out I was when we were dating and I stopped temporarily. She thinks I never started again but I did in more secret. I hate myself. I love my wife. I do.
—Guest Troubled

Trying to Stop

Hello, I am a male and I've been struggling with quitting porn. I've quit watching sex videos for around 4 years however it is videos of naked women dancing that still catches my attention. At first I was really into it but than I had long gaps of quitting it. So I quit it for one year, than started it again and the gaps are getting smaller. It went from 4 months, to 2 months and now 1 month! Now I watched it again yesterday and I'm afraid of falling into the cycle, I've recently married and my Wife doesn't know but we haven't had our first night yet (shes out of the country trying to bring her in) and she'll be coming in a week or so. I don't want to be weak. I want to know any cures for the mental images and I want to know all the ill effects on society but reading a lot of the womens responses has helped me kick the bad habit today. I'm a Muslim who sees that prayer and remembering the one who created me (along with disrespect of women in porn) is really helping me quit this habit.
—Guest Repentant

Liar, Liar, Liar ...

After 17 years of marriage, my husband has finally told me the truth (could be partial) of his involvement with the Adult Video Arcades up and down the I-5 Corridor in Washington State. He says he just watched the videos with the booth door lock, but I think he is lying to me again .... and is in fact on the down low! Over the past years, he has denied his involvement in the video arcades, has flat out lied about NOT having ever visited those places, has indicated that I am mentally ill and paranoid and that the evidence disproving his lies is all in my head ... after 17 years he has a soul searching mission and confesses that I was right all along ... He had been going to public places to view pornography and I am supposed to believe that he did not "cruise for men".... Oh did I mention he has experience with the cruising lifestyle ... I am not able to donate blood because of his relations with NSA men before I met him... F him, liar, liar, liar, you Mr T are a liar and I am not.
—Guest Guest Who?

No Problem With Porn

I don't have a problem with my significant other watching porn. In fact, sometimes I watch a little of it, too. To me, it's just images on a screen and the same as if someone liked to watch Slasher movies. It doesn't mean they want to go out and cut anyone up. It excites them, stimulates them. I hate slasher movies and won't watch them, but others can do what they want. Pornography doesn't make me feel insecure. It's generally staged sexual acts. Real sex is rarely like in porn movies. The only issue I would have would be how much it is costing. If it is causing a financial burden, that's a whole other can of worms. But if a guy wants to watch it, I feel let him watch it. If you will ruin a good marriage over images on a screen, there must not have been much to it to start with. Real encounters are what you need to worry about, and porn won't lead to real encounters any more than a slasher movie will make your man grab a knife and start killing annoying teenagers.
—Guest R. S.

Still Going Through It

So today I was working on our budget to pay off bills and looking at lenders online for a mortgage. I exited a page I needed so I went to my history... BOY did I get a history! I am so sick about going through this. He is actually saving pictures this time. He looks at porn all day even when I'm home. We only have sex if he uses a big toy and if I have stockings on. I NEVER turn him down, but he sure does me. The whole relationship I have NEVER! So what do I do now? I am going to get under his skin. I am going to look up a lot of things in the porn sites I know he can't stand. Lots of hot guys with big things and maybe men on men. I am going to save pictures too. I too and going to lock the door while he is here with all 4 kids and pretend to be getting dirty. All he will hear is a loud hummm.... and yes now I AM GOING TO TURN HIM DOWN. I figure the marriage is over if he keeps making me feel like a big joke anyway. Why not have mess with his head too?
—Guest thisistabby

I'm Beyond Myself

I'm so disgusted with my husband. He is onto live video chats with whores on porn sites. I just caught him. It was so nasty. I'm hurt by what he said to her. Then I found him sleeping in the chair. This isnt the first time either. I'm 25. I just dont know what to do. We have 3 babies n he's about to have nothing because in my mind he is cheating.
—Guest Guest

My Husband Keeps Lying About It

My husband and I had a good sex life when we were dating. Then I moved in and he just stopped getting intimate unless I initiated it. We had lots of problems but we stayed together. I had everything going for me, I was hot, in school, had friends and things were good before him. Then we started dating, he was broke, desperate and going nowhere fast. I joined him in going nowhere fast. He always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. One morning I got up to go on the computer, I stepped in something wet and sticky... It was semen on the carpet, I confronted him and he denied it and he swore on his niece and nephew that he didn't. Then he admitted it bc i embarrassed him by telling him I stepped in it! He said he would never do it again. But he did when I was pregnant. When I had my son I had a cesaerian I stayed at my mom's to recover. When I got home I saw that he had searched for Irish girl masturbating. I hate him. I don't trust him and I hate my life with him.
—Guest really angry


My gf knows I watch porn ofter, may be just may be she understood that we guys watch porn not because the majestous, over groomed actresses, but for the aptitude, the allowed moderated spanking, the lingerie, the kiss me now winks, the do it again, the "eat" please agreement. We don´t, believe me, we don´t need over deterrented, super smooth sheets or a pristine clean white spread over bed, we need passion, comprehension, porn is the last of your problems.
—Guest Never regret

Pushing a Rock Uphill

Well good luck with changing anything. My guy won't talk about it at all. The one time I mentioned it he tool off for a two week trio, wouldn't return my calls, and came back without his wedding ring. And we'd been married for 25 years. For me it's put up with it or else. And it does affect his abilities with me and he does turn me down for sex and he does stay up late on the then wiped computer. But he makes the money so what do I do.
—Guest Suzanne

I Am Getting Married in June

I broke up with my boyfriend after viewing his home video and pic of his ex on my new laptop. He charged his phone with my laptop. I guess my laptop decided to upload it. lol. Anyways, I broke up with him of course and he said that was an old file he forgot about and his daughter was in that file and it uploaded everything. lol, ok whatever ! He kept it all this time they had been broke up nearly a year or more. So some how after eight months we got back together I forgave him for keeping it and Then I find out on the computer he had a sex site he was on the whole time we were together this time around.. so I forgave him that was old and we had split for that eight months he denied it of course said internet is so wrong. lol. Then I caught him viewing 18 year olds and porn so I told him this time IF I caught him again this time I WILL BE DIVORCED. No if ands or buts. FOR all the men that thinks it's ok to watch it... stay single unless shes ok with it!!! THANKS


I had a hysterectomy in 2006 and the doctor left a sponge inside of me. When went to retrieve it, he damaged my kidneys and bladder. And caused a vault (don't want to use real terms as they are embarrassing) in my ummm...you know what I mean, I hope. Because of that, we have not been able to have sex. 6 years later, and that part will not change. He tells me all the time, in fact, told me yesterday, that he is ok with it. That he knows it isn't my fault. Today, I find that he is looking at porn. He waits until I am asleep. He did this last night, after telling me what he did earlier in the day. I blame myself. But at the same time, I think now that if there were some miracle cure for my problem, I would never be able to have sex with him again. I have been crying all day. In the past year, he has attempted to force it on me. Apologizing later. Now he doesn't touch me at all. I really don't know what to do. I never thought I would be discussing this. Should I ignore...or speak up?
—Guest just me

I Did It

I am now getting divorced because I was watching porn. I have lost the girl that has been my world since High School because I "had to watch it" and then lied and lied when I got caught. Don't be like me. Realize what is really important in life... I will never forgive myself.
—Guest Regret

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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