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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 153

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Liar, Liar, Liar ...

After 17 years of marriage, my husband has finally told me the truth (could be partial) of his involvement with the Adult Video Arcades up and down the I-5 Corridor in Washington State. He says he just watched the videos with the booth door lock, but I think he is lying to me again .... and is in fact on the down low! Over the past years, he has denied his involvement in the video arcades, has flat out lied about NOT having ever visited those places, has indicated that I am mentally ill and paranoid and that the evidence disproving his lies is all in my head ... after 17 years he has a soul searching mission and confesses that I was right all along ... He had been going to public places to view pornography and I am supposed to believe that he did not "cruise for men".... Oh did I mention he has experience with the cruising lifestyle ... I am not able to donate blood because of his relations with NSA men before I met him... F him, liar, liar, liar, you Mr T are a liar and I am not.
—Guest Guest Who?

No Problem With Porn

I don't have a problem with my significant other watching porn. In fact, sometimes I watch a little of it, too. To me, it's just images on a screen and the same as if someone liked to watch Slasher movies. It doesn't mean they want to go out and cut anyone up. It excites them, stimulates them. I hate slasher movies and won't watch them, but others can do what they want. Pornography doesn't make me feel insecure. It's generally staged sexual acts. Real sex is rarely like in porn movies. The only issue I would have would be how much it is costing. If it is causing a financial burden, that's a whole other can of worms. But if a guy wants to watch it, I feel let him watch it. If you will ruin a good marriage over images on a screen, there must not have been much to it to start with. Real encounters are what you need to worry about, and porn won't lead to real encounters any more than a slasher movie will make your man grab a knife and start killing annoying teenagers.
—Guest R. S.

Still Going Through It

So today I was working on our budget to pay off bills and looking at lenders online for a mortgage. I exited a page I needed so I went to my history... BOY did I get a history! I am so sick about going through this. He is actually saving pictures this time. He looks at porn all day even when I'm home. We only have sex if he uses a big toy and if I have stockings on. I NEVER turn him down, but he sure does me. The whole relationship I have NEVER! So what do I do now? I am going to get under his skin. I am going to look up a lot of things in the porn sites I know he can't stand. Lots of hot guys with big things and maybe men on men. I am going to save pictures too. I too and going to lock the door while he is here with all 4 kids and pretend to be getting dirty. All he will hear is a loud hummm.... and yes now I AM GOING TO TURN HIM DOWN. I figure the marriage is over if he keeps making me feel like a big joke anyway. Why not have mess with his head too?
—Guest thisistabby

I'm Beyond Myself

I'm so disgusted with my husband. He is onto live video chats with whores on porn sites. I just caught him. It was so nasty. I'm hurt by what he said to her. Then I found him sleeping in the chair. This isnt the first time either. I'm 25. I just dont know what to do. We have 3 babies n he's about to have nothing because in my mind he is cheating.
—Guest Guest

My Husband Keeps Lying About It

My husband and I had a good sex life when we were dating. Then I moved in and he just stopped getting intimate unless I initiated it. We had lots of problems but we stayed together. I had everything going for me, I was hot, in school, had friends and things were good before him. Then we started dating, he was broke, desperate and going nowhere fast. I joined him in going nowhere fast. He always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. One morning I got up to go on the computer, I stepped in something wet and sticky... It was semen on the carpet, I confronted him and he denied it and he swore on his niece and nephew that he didn't. Then he admitted it bc i embarrassed him by telling him I stepped in it! He said he would never do it again. But he did when I was pregnant. When I had my son I had a cesaerian I stayed at my mom's to recover. When I got home I saw that he had searched for Irish girl masturbating. I hate him. I don't trust him and I hate my life with him.
—Guest really angry

Nevermind

My gf knows I watch porn ofter, may be just may be she understood that we guys watch porn not because the majestous, over groomed actresses, but for the aptitude, the allowed moderated spanking, the lingerie, the kiss me now winks, the do it again, the "eat" please agreement. We don´t, believe me, we don´t need over deterrented, super smooth sheets or a pristine clean white spread over bed, we need passion, comprehension, porn is the last of your problems.
—Guest Never regret

Pushing a Rock Uphill

Well good luck with changing anything. My guy won't talk about it at all. The one time I mentioned it he tool off for a two week trio, wouldn't return my calls, and came back without his wedding ring. And we'd been married for 25 years. For me it's put up with it or else. And it does affect his abilities with me and he does turn me down for sex and he does stay up late on the then wiped computer. But he makes the money so what do I do.
—Guest Suzanne

I Am Getting Married in June

I broke up with my boyfriend after viewing his home video and pic of his ex on my new laptop. He charged his phone with my laptop. I guess my laptop decided to upload it. lol. Anyways, I broke up with him of course and he said that was an old file he forgot about and his daughter was in that file and it uploaded everything. lol, ok whatever ! He kept it all this time they had been broke up nearly a year or more. So some how after eight months we got back together I forgave him for keeping it and Then I find out on the computer he had a sex site he was on the whole time we were together this time around.. so I forgave him that was old and we had split for that eight months he denied it of course said internet is so wrong. lol. Then I caught him viewing 18 year olds and porn so I told him this time IF I caught him again this time I WILL BE DIVORCED. No if ands or buts. FOR all the men that thinks it's ok to watch it... stay single unless shes ok with it!!! THANKS
—imsosorry4u

Confused

I had a hysterectomy in 2006 and the doctor left a sponge inside of me. When went to retrieve it, he damaged my kidneys and bladder. And caused a vault (don't want to use real terms as they are embarrassing) in my ummm...you know what I mean, I hope. Because of that, we have not been able to have sex. 6 years later, and that part will not change. He tells me all the time, in fact, told me yesterday, that he is ok with it. That he knows it isn't my fault. Today, I find that he is looking at porn. He waits until I am asleep. He did this last night, after telling me what he did earlier in the day. I blame myself. But at the same time, I think now that if there were some miracle cure for my problem, I would never be able to have sex with him again. I have been crying all day. In the past year, he has attempted to force it on me. Apologizing later. Now he doesn't touch me at all. I really don't know what to do. I never thought I would be discussing this. Should I ignore...or speak up?
—Guest just me

I Did It

I am now getting divorced because I was watching porn. I have lost the girl that has been my world since High School because I "had to watch it" and then lied and lied when I got caught. Don't be like me. Realize what is really important in life... I will never forgive myself.
—Guest Regret

Justified

I have been at a loss for some time over this issue. My husband of 6 years started viewing porn instead of having sex with me while I was pregnant. When I found out I was devistated. He still does it today ( 2 years later ) I feel like this is a deal breaker for me, I want to leave but we have a son. Help??? So glad I found this site
—Guest CeeBee

Broken Hearted

Ive been with my partner and best friend since high school. We had our first child at 17 & the second at 21. For many years he would make noises in his sleep and sex with me. But would never remember in the morning. He would say what are you talking about -- we never have sex. "I never denied him". Well.... Found he had massive amounts of email accounts for porn date hook ups, etc. He denied it of course but 3 years later he said he did it because he felt unwanted by me. LIE, or maybe cause he felt my disgust for knowing what he's been up to. He said it's all old and he has never done it again. It was from 3 years ago. But caught him again looking for local sexy girls. Denied! Then said he just likes to look and he thinks it's ok because cousins all do it. Did it again 3 nights ago -- same night we had sex. He lied again. Says he's not physicaly attracted to me, never was. I don't do it for him, loves to look at other women while I sleep next to him. He makes he sick. I'm very pretty. Other men notice me -- why not him?
—Guest Jenn

Every Man is a Pervert

My boyfriend of 5 years (also father of my child) who I refuse to call my husband is just a plain ol' pervert just like ever other man on the face of the planet. I've told him I don't like him watching porn so he just got better at hiding it. Then a few days ago he was taking pictures of our daughter on his phone and I wanted to see how the pics looked and I went to the gallery. Lo and behold pics of girls posing in the mirror and images of big bottoms (that's his thing which is funny because I have a small bum). I think if your significant other doesn't want you doing something b/c it hurts them you stop. Thanks to his porn I've begun hitting the gym and eating healthy food and now I'm getting attention from other guys which feels awesome. I no longer feel like I can be intimately attached to any man. I have fallen out of love with my lazy, mean, porn loving husband. I now realize that men are only good for their cash and xxxx (when neccessary).
—Guest sadpenguin

How

Me and my husband have 4 month old baby boy. He recently left me. When he came back I find tons of pics of other women on his phone. We have had problems with it before. He knows it's the one thing I can't handle. He is always telling me I'm the only girl he wants and he won't do it again but we have been through this before and it kills me. How could I ever trust him again.
—Guest each man should have one wife

Fine In Moderation But...

My husband has been addicted to climaxing to porn throughout our entire relationship (together for 10 years). I made excuses for his behavior while I put my needs to the side and whenever we had sex (1-2 times a year until it stopped altogether) he could not perform. I gave up but the damage is done and it is all his fault. I was obviously not enough for him. I had done everything possible to help him initiate intimacy but all I heard were excuses. I am attractive woman who can still wear a size 2 after delivering three children. Nothing will change with these porn addicted men unless they want to change. Even the threat of divorce didn't stop him. He's now my soon to be ex-husband. I will move on and find someone else who is willing and able to have a normal sex life with a real woman.
—Guest Jadedlady

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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