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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 163

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Enormously Sad

I am so sad. My boyfriend of one year, who I love so much, and trust completely, watched some raunchy porn on his phone. I was too tired this morning when he wanted it and so he went down stairs and did that. I came down he had fallen asleep on the couch I clicked on his phone and boom the dehumanizing images of women being f***. I have a sick feeling feeling my stomach and heart. He promised me he wasn't even interested in that and I truly trusted him. I thought because he had the real thing and that he really loved me why would be do a "dog brained" thing and be like a horny animal rather than a man! And of course he did it despite the fact that I was really horny I just was getting a little extra sleep. Honestly he probably does it all the time. And it truly kills:( i tried moving on but when we had sex I just wanted to cry. It just feels like betrayal and I know when people get old and sex life isn't as fluent to maybe watch porn but it's only been a year! I'm soooo upset.
—Guest Hurting woman

I'm So Hurt

I've been marriage for 9 years, Im 28 years old. My husband and I, I would say is almost close to perfect. We have 3 beautiful kids were always happy but this one thing he has a porn addiction. At first I was always mad and hurt when I would find it on his phone or laptop and we would have a big argument. Then I convince myself that I would rather him watch porn then to cheat. Until the other day he told one of his close friends that after making love to me he goes and watch porn ro me I felt like that was the last straw. I felt so hurt im not sure what to do from this point forward. I love my husband so much but to think that after we share something so wonderful he feels the need to go for extra is a feeling I cant even explain
—Guest proudmom3

This Is a LUST Problem

This isn't just a problem with porn -- it is a problem with lust. These people (usually guys) are self-medicating their lust addiction; porn is just an easy drug of choice. It literally kills to have someone you have allowed so close to betray you on such a deep level. It literally pierces the heart, wounding -- if not killing -- it permanently. This problem is an addiction; it is NOT normal. It sickens me that an individual will rationalize his (or her) abnormal behavior by saying it's "natural." How cowardly. Is it normal to not be able to hold an erection with a REAL woman? What is wrong with you if you have to imagine something up to even go off? It's pathetic. You can no longer please a REAL person. Who is abnormal now? I think it's possible for addicts to change ... but THEY have to want to. Sexaholics Anonymous really does help if they are willing ... but if they are excusing themselves, they deserve to be alone, dying a lonely death as the lecherous monster they have chosen to become.
—Guest Empty Inside

I Have Been Afraid For a Long Time

Pornography used to terrify me, because I didn't feel secure about myself and I distrusted men. I try to be as freaky as I can in the bedroom and now will have sex as much as I can with my husband, especially since he told me that he thought we needed to separate. I was afraid of porn because I didn't understand that it's just a fantasy and religion told me that it was bad and wrong, but now, after growing up, I can see that it can be fun and inspire a really great sex life. I feel that sex is really one of, if not the most, spiritual experience you can have. However, when I was younger, after we had kids, I was tired and not in the mood. I found some porn on our computer and I confronted him in a very gentle way. I just didn't act angry. I asked him if he felt I was desirable and I cried and we hugged and he saw how very hurt I was. Now I know that it has nothing to do with how I look. Now I see that I was jealous and now we are talking about it and sometimes watch sexy movies now.
—Guest anonymous

The Man Who Watched Porn

As the man in the relationship and the one who viewed porn I can tell you there is no going back for me. I have come to my senses but it is to little to late. There is nothing that could replace the love my wife and I shared and completely ruined it for nothing. Ithas opened unrepairablewounds and I can not regain her trust or live. If you watch it be prepared for what is to come. I am completely changed and a much better man then I ever was but I still lost her and that crushed me
—Guest j

Empathy For All Wives

I have been married for 3 years. I am not naïve I know men enjoy porn (as can women) I expected him to use porn but it hurt me & made me feel like he'd cheated in a way. We discussed it & tried to see it from his point of view. I still trust him. I came to the conclusion that it's just a quick route to thinking about sex, it's non person specific, it's masturbation without pressure, this is why it doesn't involve us wives, men can just clear their heads & focus on the act.(of masturbating) They don't have to worry about performing for us. He's my best friend & I adore him. Our sex life is amazing. I am secure in myself. I am liberally minded. I like to please my husband. I like to let him know what I want. I like to try stuff out. I am not doing anything wrong & there's nothing wrong with me. Men using porn is hardwired into them. Talk to them about it, don't be judgemental, be frank & open. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! It actually doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you.
—Guest a wife

Distraught

Ive been married for one year, and with him for two. The entire time we've been together I've worked and paid all the bills while he sat at home on the phone i paid for, watching porn, and talking to girls on dating sites, and sex sites. I found all of the sites and told all of the girls he was talking to how i supported him, and he was married and if they wanted him to come pick him up because i was tired of him and his lies. I even removed his picture in his files with me in sexy nighties and put some rude comments in his info about him. Girls dropped him pretty quickly as i told them i would remember their faces because they lived in my town, and i would go to jail for beating them down. lol. I am not ugly, or overweight, but his choices have ruined my self asteem. I do try to make an effort and i know ive got it going on in the bedroom, he tells me its too much work, its easier to masturbate..... i do my share, when is sex too much work? desperately looking to dump the loser!
—Guest Tina

Sick

My husband does this and when I find it; he turns it around on me and says I am a crazy b***h and I am cheating on him etc. Before we were married; my 7 year old was playing on the computer and his nasty porn pulled up and we both got a view on what he does in his spare time. I should have walk out the door right then and there but here I am and now my daughter and I have to start all over again and over someones sick his porn sights! They are sick and degrading to a wife or girlfriend should ever have to put up with it!!!! He has cheated on his family; not only me but my daughter too. I sure hope he has a good time because I know he isnt having sex with me his wife.....
—Guest martinez

I Hate Myself

I can't stop looking at porn. Even now as I type, I have another tab open with porn on it. It is hurting my family and my job. Its making me vastly less productive. I can't imagine if my wife finds out I've been looking again. She found out I was when we were dating and I stopped temporarily. She thinks I never started again but I did in more secret. I hate myself. I love my wife. I do.
—Guest Troubled

Trying to Stop

Hello, I am a male and I've been struggling with quitting porn. I've quit watching sex videos for around 4 years however it is videos of naked women dancing that still catches my attention. At first I was really into it but than I had long gaps of quitting it. So I quit it for one year, than started it again and the gaps are getting smaller. It went from 4 months, to 2 months and now 1 month! Now I watched it again yesterday and I'm afraid of falling into the cycle, I've recently married and my Wife doesn't know but we haven't had our first night yet (shes out of the country trying to bring her in) and she'll be coming in a week or so. I don't want to be weak. I want to know any cures for the mental images and I want to know all the ill effects on society but reading a lot of the womens responses has helped me kick the bad habit today. I'm a Muslim who sees that prayer and remembering the one who created me (along with disrespect of women in porn) is really helping me quit this habit.
—Guest Repentant

Liar, Liar, Liar ...

After 17 years of marriage, my husband has finally told me the truth (could be partial) of his involvement with the Adult Video Arcades up and down the I-5 Corridor in Washington State. He says he just watched the videos with the booth door lock, but I think he is lying to me again .... and is in fact on the down low! Over the past years, he has denied his involvement in the video arcades, has flat out lied about NOT having ever visited those places, has indicated that I am mentally ill and paranoid and that the evidence disproving his lies is all in my head ... after 17 years he has a soul searching mission and confesses that I was right all along ... He had been going to public places to view pornography and I am supposed to believe that he did not "cruise for men".... Oh did I mention he has experience with the cruising lifestyle ... I am not able to donate blood because of his relations with NSA men before I met him... F him, liar, liar, liar, you Mr T are a liar and I am not.
—Guest Guest Who?

No Problem With Porn

I don't have a problem with my significant other watching porn. In fact, sometimes I watch a little of it, too. To me, it's just images on a screen and the same as if someone liked to watch Slasher movies. It doesn't mean they want to go out and cut anyone up. It excites them, stimulates them. I hate slasher movies and won't watch them, but others can do what they want. Pornography doesn't make me feel insecure. It's generally staged sexual acts. Real sex is rarely like in porn movies. The only issue I would have would be how much it is costing. If it is causing a financial burden, that's a whole other can of worms. But if a guy wants to watch it, I feel let him watch it. If you will ruin a good marriage over images on a screen, there must not have been much to it to start with. Real encounters are what you need to worry about, and porn won't lead to real encounters any more than a slasher movie will make your man grab a knife and start killing annoying teenagers.
—Guest R. S.

Still Going Through It

So today I was working on our budget to pay off bills and looking at lenders online for a mortgage. I exited a page I needed so I went to my history... BOY did I get a history! I am so sick about going through this. He is actually saving pictures this time. He looks at porn all day even when I'm home. We only have sex if he uses a big toy and if I have stockings on. I NEVER turn him down, but he sure does me. The whole relationship I have NEVER! So what do I do now? I am going to get under his skin. I am going to look up a lot of things in the porn sites I know he can't stand. Lots of hot guys with big things and maybe men on men. I am going to save pictures too. I too and going to lock the door while he is here with all 4 kids and pretend to be getting dirty. All he will hear is a loud hummm.... and yes now I AM GOING TO TURN HIM DOWN. I figure the marriage is over if he keeps making me feel like a big joke anyway. Why not have mess with his head too?
—Guest thisistabby

I'm Beyond Myself

I'm so disgusted with my husband. He is onto live video chats with whores on porn sites. I just caught him. It was so nasty. I'm hurt by what he said to her. Then I found him sleeping in the chair. This isnt the first time either. I'm 25. I just dont know what to do. We have 3 babies n he's about to have nothing because in my mind he is cheating.
—Guest Guest

My Husband Keeps Lying About It

My husband and I had a good sex life when we were dating. Then I moved in and he just stopped getting intimate unless I initiated it. We had lots of problems but we stayed together. I had everything going for me, I was hot, in school, had friends and things were good before him. Then we started dating, he was broke, desperate and going nowhere fast. I joined him in going nowhere fast. He always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. One morning I got up to go on the computer, I stepped in something wet and sticky... It was semen on the carpet, I confronted him and he denied it and he swore on his niece and nephew that he didn't. Then he admitted it bc i embarrassed him by telling him I stepped in it! He said he would never do it again. But he did when I was pregnant. When I had my son I had a cesaerian I stayed at my mom's to recover. When I got home I saw that he had searched for Irish girl masturbating. I hate him. I don't trust him and I hate my life with him.
—Guest really angry

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