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Readers Respond: The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

Responses: 327

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Dead Inside

I am not married, but am currently in a relationship with a man who loves porn more than anything and has an extensive library that is steadily growing. Lately, my sex drive has diminished and often times when he is thrusting inside me I start having suicidal thoughts. Because I feel completely worthless and I know that the only way for him to c** is to think of some porn star instead of me. I dare not even think what sick "teen" clip he is fantasizing about... Sadly, I have started hating men in general with great intensity. Male sexuality to me has become revolting.
—Guest bloend

Very Damaging to Intimate Relationship

Its so sad to me. I am 15 years younger than my husband, and an attractive 5'11, healthy,strong, sensual woman who LIKES sex. I like it to be about ME and MY HUSBAND though. After 22 years, LIES, LIES and more LIES, divorce is occurring. The thought of having sex with him again turns my stomach because I know too much. Not that he is able anyway. Ruined by porn. The therapist says it is a intimacy disorder. Yes. Its like he has multiple personalities & you never know which one will show up and which one is REAL (none of them). I will go on an have a happy life. It didn't have to be this way though. Very sad.
—Guest Marcella

Sick Obsession

I have fallen out if love with my partner since discovering his love of porn it literally makes me sick and I feel degraded. That's all I can say. I wish porn was just banned everywhere
—Guest Sick and tired

BS

My Boyfriend and I have been together for a little less than a year... Broke up once as a result of his porn viewing and his constant need to talk to his ex on a continued basis where they have had sexual encounters while she lives with another man. yes she cheats on her man. He I guess is trying to overcome this addiction, yet I still do not trust him. He has continuously lied to me about many things so it's quite hard for me to trust. I somehow still feel it's a game for him to get his way about things including sex and pornography. I guess when you lose trust the first time and things keep happening over and over again you tend to lose the faith in one person. I have bent over backwards in the past few months to make him happy but there is nothing back in return.Pornography is a horrid thing it is a relationship destroyer and if you give an addicted person an inch they will take a mile. I just don't believe in the things he says. When I have confronted him he tries blame me. Tired
—Guest everything zen

Fiancè of 8 Yrs Won't Stop Watching Porn

My fiance and I have been together for 8 years He is 43 n I 29 I caught him watching porn about 6 years ago n begged him to stop He said he would and did until he got a smartphone. I look at his history and he looks at it at work And has these sexy local wives f*** 4 free sites on there He says they just pop up but im worried hes looking for someone else I am a very attractive smart and fun woman. I do ANYTHING in bed for him except for having another person. We have a special day (Sunday's) where he gets anal no matter what plus other times if im in the mood I worry hes cheating although he goes to work, calls me during the day n on his way home n comes straight home but I know when we first started dating we used 2 meet up while he was at work. He works for family n runs his own jobs so he could leave for a bit if he wanted We have sex at least 4-5 times a week or more I have asked him to stop n he said ok but hasnt n now he says its no big deal I think ... why he looks at work
—Guest hurt pissed and confused

Ladies ... Hear the Truth!

It's ok if you do not want to have sex anymore with your husband ... he is destroying you. STOP! He has invited the devil into the marriage bed ... and we become nothing but "holes" after THAT. While he continues to defile the marriage bed and you, don't allow yourself ANY part of that scenario. Lift your heads up to God and be strong. Say NO MORE USING ME WHILE YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED IN PORN (OR OTHER WOMEN) SEXUALLY! Ladies, you are not morally obligated to be "servicing" a man who rejects everything you have to offer in favor of those who titillate his mind and body. It is indeed CHEATING. Nothing changes when nothing changes. You keep "putting out" with hopes that he will somehow appreciate your efforts and longsuffering ... but still he rejects you. Then be rejected, and respond with the God given indignation which he has earned. Allow him to pay the natural consequences for his sins against the marriage covenant. Be prepared to watch him repent or leave.
—Guest Sweetz

Newly Wed

My husband and I have only been married for 6 months, but we have be a couple for 5 years. He has always watched porn & I am aware of it. When we first started dating I was annoyed with the piles of dirty mags stuffed in his car, we would fight about it, he would throw them all away & the collection would start again. Since living together he no longer buys mags, but downloading porn started. He has a huge collection. i don't mind him watching a bit of porn to masturbate to, its natural. The thing that annoys me is his need to look at it so often. Every time he is alone for a few mins he is looking at porn on his phone or his tablet. Not aroused or masturbating but looking at naked women. It upsets me because i feel as tho he is not happy with me and needs to look at other women. I feel as tho im not good enough for him. I have spoken to him about this numerous times and the only response he gives is, i dont know why i do it. I still find you attractive!!!! I feel so unattractive
—Guest unknown

I am Model But Still My BF ...

I recently discovered that the love of my life watch porn. I have a relationship with my bf from highschool. We have been together for 5 years . We were doing sex with my partner almost every day and often 3 or 4 times per day. Some days we literally was doing sex all day. I am doing everything to sex (of course things only between me and him ) .I never refused sex .Now iam 22 years old , i have a perfect body i have big natural breast e.t.c , i could be a porn star if i wanted that. I am saying all this to you because i saw that some of you blamed yourselves and your appearence and you thought that if you were younger or more beautiful your husbund would not used porn. That 's a big lie. I understund that it's nothing wrong with us but sth wrong with their head. For 3 years he was keep telling me that he never looks sexually other women and he wanted the same fidelity from me.. I was never looked other man even if they were flirting me like crazy. I feel empty and desperate.
—Guest penny

His Masturbating Eats Me Up Inside

my boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 years when I discovered he watched porn when I turned him down literally like the first time ever. This has hurt me and made me feel not good enough. I know he still does it ... not often, but I wish it was not at all ... and I wish he would just admit he does it. If I try to mention it he says I'm crazy and he never does it ... just that ONE time I caught him .... yeah right!? I was masturbating from time to time just to get back at him ... I felt like that guilt would help balance my emotions about him doing it ... it didn't. I quit masturbating because I felt it was unfair of me to look at another person (face to face or an internet whore) for sexual gratification. It bothers me and makes me feel not good enough that he still does it and can't be honest about it. I know he doesn't do it all the time but it makes me feel very icky. It feels like a betrayal if u have to hide it because your beating it to another gurls pu**y. Sorry not sorry
—Guest Paula

Addict

I am male and I watch porn. I know it's not a good thing to be doing and I know it's making my partner seem less attractive to me. I know it's diminishing our relationship, I'm trying to get counselling to stop. I want to stop because I want my girl to be special to me. It did take me a long time to see it as a problem though, and ultimately no man will change until he sees it as a problem for himself.
—Guest Idiot boy

Tommy2toes

First, I have spent hundreds of hours getting info regarding this porn issue, from sound advice. People MUST understand. The innocent spouse did not cause it and cannot. cure it. The addict will be forced to choose, family, jobs, friends OR the porn. This will cost him/her. Right along with the rest. I myself , refuse to remain married to someone I cannot trust. Its not the porn that really bothers me because it is so fake, what does bother me is the lies, deception (even after agreements were made) and the denial. The porn will make over time, a guy small, limp and alone.The body will not be able to produce enough of the pleasure inducing hormone for arousal, that is where it all begins, and ends. I cannot control the addiction, but I can damn well control how I'm being treated because of it. I would rather live in a dumpster and be alone, with little kids or not. This is the last straw for me. If the porn industry wants people like me out of their bedrooms then they can shut the door!!
—Guest jaxscat1

What?

Most of you are crazy. You feel your husband has lost sense of reality, when in truth you have a distorted sense of reality. It seems a lot of you have fallen to the system aka church, social conformaties, etc. Analyze your life and figure out what really matters.
—Guest wtf

Porn Hurts

I've been with the same man for 8 years. The first time I caught him masturbating to porn was after 3 years and I was shocked, hurt and in so much pain I wouldn't sleep in the same bed for a week. He promised he wouldn't do it again and that he didn't know it would hurt me. Since then it's been numerous times note I've seen him looking at prostitutes online. Caught him again 2 nights ago and made him leave last night. Heart is broken.
—Guest Just Fed Up

Doing Everything

I do everything my husband wants the most kinky stuff and I pretty and 136lbs. and still he looks at porn just found out cant stop crying. I give him a blow job all the time wenever he asked and im the first to make him cum that way. what t is wrong with him . I think even when a man has his dream woman its still not enough. its rare for a man to learn wat he reallt has. oh well I have a dildo and they dont require me to be perfect
—Guest memi

Tired Of Being Hurt

My husband and I have been together for 9 years 5 of that being married. I'm 24 and blonde, I believe that I am pretty. But my husbands sneaks and watches porn late at night even though he knows how I feel about it. I believe we have a good sex life, being that he gets it multiple times during the week. But recently he has changed. I do things for him to keep him focused on me and not porn but its worse now. It started that he only wanted blow jobs now he wants anal sex. No matter how many times I tell him that its not what I want. So if I don't give it to him, he heads straight for the computer. I don't know how much more I can take. My feelings are so hurt, yes you can say its made me insecure. I love him dearly but I cant handle the porn. Don't know what to do???
—Guest Ashley

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The Impact of Pornography on Marriages

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